


Your Love Is Standing Next To Me

by domeafav0ur



Category: Alex Turner - Fandom, Arctic Monkeys, Last Shadow Puppets
Genre: Alcohol, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Arctic Monkeys - Freeform, Bands, Bars, Cheating, Drug Use, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Guilt, Love, Not sure what I'm doing, Self Harm, Sex, Suicide Attempt, Tour, Violence, but I hope this doesn't suck, envy - Freeform, for realsies, holy shit, lots of cheating, relationships, these are a lot of tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-25
Updated: 2018-02-13
Packaged: 2018-04-01 03:45:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 31,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4004608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/domeafav0ur/pseuds/domeafav0ur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex falls in to a bad place and finds comfort in his best friends' best friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Why'd You Only Call Me When You're High?

It was 2:30 in the morning when I got the call from my drunken friend asking if I could pick him up from the bar. He sounded beyond wasted with the slur of his words, and the buttons clicking from his face pressing against the keypad. 

With a mumbled okay, I put on some shorts and grabbed my keys, going to my car and driving to the bar we often frequented in our group of friends.

I wasn’t sure why he had called me of all people since we weren’t particularly close friends. I was closer to Miles than him, but I’d known him for years and who was I to deny a drunk person a ride home?

Twenty three minutes of fucked up text messages making no sense, I arrived to find him sitting on the floor outside of the bar, bottle and phone in hand, head slumped against his shoulder, appearing like he was about to fall asleep. 

I put on my emergency lights and got out, slowly making my way to him and kneeling next to him. 

"Alex." 

He jumped at my voice, confused eyes looking up at me.

He looked like hell.

His hair was long and unruly, curls everywhere, fringe falling against his face and stubble framed his jaw in a way I’d never seen it before and I’d seen him a lot. 

I held his face in my hands and gently caressed at his cheeks in a reassuring manner.

"Hey, it's me. You're okay."

I slowly grabbed the bottle and pulled it away from his hand, placing it next to him on the ground and grabbing his phone, stuffing it in to my back pocket for safe keeping.

"Okay, get up." I said, grabbing a hold of his hands and attempting to pull him to his feet, but without his help this would be no easy feat. He was a small man but still too heavy for me to lift his dead weight.

"A little help, Alex." I struggled, holding his hand and grabbing his small frame, lifting him to his feet. 

"She's a fucking wanker, she is." he mumbled in his inebriated state, his legs wobbling under him making his body slam in to my side harder than I'd expected. 

"Ow." I whispered, mostly to myself but he looked at me as I opened the car door, with concern in his eyes. 

"Did I 'urt ya, love?" 

I shook my head, slightly annoyed by how wasted he was. 

I pushed him in and buckled his seat belt on him and got in through my side, putting the car in drive and locking the doors before this dumbass decided to jump out. 

"Why are you so wasted, Alex?" I asked, keeping my eyes on the road but glancing every few minutes to make sure he was still alive. 

He sat there completely motionless, staring at the passing lights. "She were out with some bloke, some fucking bloke I don't know. She's fucking cheatin' on me."

"Again?" I almost shouted. How can someone be so stupid as to cheat on Alex, the kind of sappy love? "You seriously can't let her have such a hold of you, Al."

He shook his head and placed it on the window, closing his eyes to maybe stop the nausea. 

"I feel 'orrible." He mumbled, holding his head in his hand, with his elbow propped on the window. 

"You smell like you drank the entire pub."

"Almost did." He replied with sarcasm. "Could I crash at yer place? I dun’ really want t’see ‘er." 

I nodded and drove on to my place and as soon as we got there, I managed to pull him out, his legs wobbly as ever as I pushed him in to my apartment, and in to my bedroom so he could sleep this off. 

"I'm going to get you some water." I said, and walked out of the room once I made sure he was fine to sit down, and not puke on my bed. 

I took his phone out of my back pocket and set it on the counter, then sat on the kitchen chair and removed my shoes, taking a breath and suddenly feeling exhausted. I rested my elbows on my legs and covered my face in my hands, closing my eyes and mentally preparing myself to sleep on the couch when I heard a stumble and a cough. 

My head shot up and I found myself staring at Alex.  
"You need sleep, Al." I croaked out, as my heartbeat caught in my throat from him scaring the shit out of me. 

"Sleep with me?" He asked, and that smooth, deep voice was enough to make me want to do questionable things. 

I shook my head, "Come on. Let's get you to bed." I stood and grabbed him by his arm and pulled him to the bedroom sitting him down on the bed again. 

That's when I noticed he had a small cut on the top of his eyebrow which sparked me to run my finger over it as gently as I could. "How did this happen?" I asked.

He shook his head, and I could feel his big hands on my bare thighs. "I know you don't care about that."

I couldn't help my mouth running dry at the way he spoke with such seduction in his tone. 

His hands slowly ran up my thighs and to my waist, holding me close to him, between those muscular thighs of his. 

I attempted to pull away, "No, Alex. You have a girlfriend and I-"

"Be my getaway." He cut in; his eyes blackened with lust as one of his hands cupped my face and pulled me down to him. His lips just barely touching mine, eyes burning in to me as his lids dropped, long eyelashes touching his skin and his lips pressed to mine. 

For a moment, I didn't react but with his tongue asking for entrance I snapped back in to reality and kissed him back. He tasted of cheap beer, and cigarettes. His lips were chapped, but still melted in to mine. His tongue soft, and fully intending on exploring all it could. 

When the need for air kicked in, he pulled back and stared at me, silence taking over the room. His mouth slightly hung open and he had a certain look in his eye, and I was more than sure he was going to say he'd changed his mind. And in all honestly, someone had to. I wasn't sure I could turn him away, though I'd never seen him as more than a friend. I’d never seen him as anyone who'd initiate this type of thing since he always seemed so nonchalant about everything. 

His hand slowly came back up to my face and he gently pressed in to the center of my bottom lip, then running his thumb a long it, still looking as puzzled as ever. He stood to his feet and watched me eye him in confusion as to what the hell was going on in his mind. 

His hands gripped my hips and his lips collided with mine again, taking the breath right out of me as he turned us and dropped me on to the bed, climbing over me. His lips never left mine but one of his hands made sure to roam, going under my shirt and pulling it up till my midriff was bare.

God, this was strange. I knew I shouldn't do this, but the way his hands felt, the way his lips began to kiss at my neck... 

As much as I hated it, a moan escaped my lips as he sucked at a spot on my neck, surely leaving a bright mark for tomorrow. 

I grabbed him by the hair being met with whatever the fuck pomade or grease he put in it, and I kissed him hard, feeling him remove my shorts, pushing them down and off my legs. 

As his tongue played with mine, my eyes shot open when I felt his hand start to rub me through my panties. My fingers grabbed harder at his hair at the feeling of his fingers teasing me like that. 

He pulled back as I licked my swollen bottom lip and watched him swiftly take his shirt off and my, was I surprised. He wasn't built, but he had muscles under there. His arms, and chest were sculpted perfectly and I wondered how I never noticed.

I was so busy watching his muscles flex when he moved that I didn't even notice his hand go back to my panties and pulled them down, throwing them somewhere in my room. 

A blush spread over my cheeks when his eyes scanned me up and down. 

"Hmm, tha’ needs t’go." He mumbled, pulling me up and removing my shirt. Whatever wasn't covered by my bra, was littered in kisses as his hands squeezed at my breasts. He unhooked my bra and flung it away from us as I fell back on to the bed with his mouth hot over my breast, tongue playing with my nipple as one of his hands slipped between my legs with his fingers running up and down me spreading the wetness. 

He let out a chuckle and a smile but his mouth never stopping its work, "Is this for me?"

He began to circle around my clit as I bucked my hips up to meet his touch. "Fuck off, Turner."

He laughed and pulled back, wasting no time in removing his jeans and putting a condom on, spreading my legs and pounding in to me relentlessly, not allowing me much time to adjust to his length. 

With every hard thrust, a moan escaped me and I couldn’t hold them back. "F-fuck, Alex." I moaned my nails clawing at his back, as his movements became quicker, and more brash. 

"You feel so good." He groaned in to my ear, as he buried his face in to my neck, sucking at the skin, hard. 

"Oh, oh god. You don't look like- fuck- you'd be this rough." I managed to get out as he purposely sped up, his hipbones slamming in to my thighs with a slap, and I could feel his lips curl in to a smile against my skin. My body was going in to overdrive and my head felt like it might go through the headboard with all his hard thrusting.

As the moans and profanities left my mouth he pulled back a bit and watched me with a grin on his face. "Ye ‘ave the absolute cutest moans, ya know tha’?"

"Shut up." 

He hovered over me, his face inches away from mine, "Make me" 

I grabbed him and collided lips with him as he continued to pump in to me, filling me up in the most amazing way, causing me to moan in to his mouth as he angled a bit and hit my spot.

"Fock, love." He pulled back, grabbing at my hips with one hand and slamming in to me as the other hand kept him up. "D'you know ‘ow satisfying it is t’ see ya comin’ undone for me?"

"If you keep going like this, I'm going t-" he thrust harder, reaching down between my legs and circling my clit with his fingers. 

"Come, then."

And it didn't take long for my toes to curl and for that smirk to creep on his lips as he watched me come, underneath him as my nails scraped the back of his neck. A few more sloppy thrusts and he joined me in euphoria.

He removed the soiled condom and threw it in the trash, coming back to bed and laying next to me, catching his breath as I stared at the ceiling trying to process how I'd just fucked someone with a girlfriend. 

I pulled the covers over me and without saying another word I fell asleep. 

The following morning I woke up to a cold bed, with no signs of Alex in sight. Almost liked he'd never been here. 

But there was an unread text message waiting to be opened.

“Last night was a mistake.”


	2. Snap Out of It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A talk with Miles, and Harlyn's brother is introduced.

"Harlyyyyynnn!" I could hear someone call my name from my front door, but I was too busy packing my clothes in to my suitcase that I didn't bother moving from my spot. 

"Harleeee, I 'ave donuts!"

"Oh!" I jumped and skipped towards the living room, finding Miles at my kitchen counter with a box of donuts in hand, and a childish smile on his face. 

"What's the occasion?" I asked, reaching in and grabbing at a glazed donut, taking a piece and throwing it in my mouth, savoring the sweet, sweet taste. 

"I thought we'd have a best friend day or something o' the sort." He said, with a shrug, stuffing his face with food. 

"Likeeeee?"

"Like, make a pot o' coffee, maybe watch a movie," he stopped and looked toward my bedroom, eyebrow inching up. "Why are you packing?"

I jumped on top of the counter, next to him and watched him start up my coffee maker. 

"I'm leaving for tour tomorrow."

He spun around so quick I was sure he'd lose his balance, but he landed perfectly with a shocked expression. "Tour? Where the 'ell are you going?!"

I cocked my head to the side, feeling like I'd informed him of this before, but maybe I hadn't. 

"I have a band to shoot for about two weeks in the states."

"No! You can't leave me when I'm finally home!" He dramatically yelled, wrapping his arms around my waist and digging his face in to the crook of my neck, purposely breathing hard and tickling the shit out of me. 

"Miles! Get off!" I yelled, pushing him as he laughed and pulled back, eyes narrowing on neck.

"Jesus, did a bloody vampire visit you last night?" He asked, bewildered as he pulled the neck of my shirt down a bit to check out the dark mark. 

I flinched away from him remembering WHO had marked me the night before. 

"I'm going to start glistening pretty soon." I joked, attempting to throw him off enough to make the conversation end there.

"Oh, fuck off. What'd ye' shag? A fucking warewolf?" He asked, amazed at the colors of the bruise. 

"Hardly." I mumbled under my breath, jumping off the counter, and walking in to my room to resume my packing. 

Miles had completely forgotten about the coffee he'd previously been waiting on because he followed me and tackled me to the bed.

"Ow, Miles. What the hell?!" I shouted, grabbing on to my comforter, trying to worm my way out from under him but he was planted on my lower back and not moving. 

"Tell me who you shagged." He whined. 

I dug my face in to my bed and shook my head. "I can't."

"Why not?!"

"Because it wasn't socially acceptable of me to do him." 

"I won't tell." 

"That's not the problem." I said in to the sheets, still breathing in the scent of his cologne.

"Is the bloke hideous? Is that why you won't tell?" He asked, getting off my back and sitting next to me as I turned and faced my ceiling exactly how I had after that encounter. 

"He's not... Hideous. He's just not.. Oh god." I had two choices; not tell anyone and keep it to myself for always and eternity, or I could tell Miles and hope he didn't think I was a cheap whore. 

I felt bad, but not THAT bad about it so I figured I’d tell him.

I turned my head towards him and nodded. "You cannot tell a soul, Miles. I swear to god. You can't even repeat it to yourself after I tell you cause it could fuck shit up."

He furrowed his brows in concern and nodded. "When 'ave I ever failed ya?"

I took a deep breath, "Okay, so last night I... God damn it. I slept with Alex."  
A few seconds lasting an eternity went by without a single word and I couldn't help but feel like he'd walk out and never speak to me again. 

His eyes grew wide, "Alex... MY Alex?" 

I nodded.

"He's got a girlfriend, Harlee." And that exact tone he had is why I didn't want to say anything. 

"Yes, I know he has a girlfriend and if it makes you feel better; he came on to me." 

Though it was both our faults. 

"I just don't want you falling in to ‘is drama, you know? I want you OUT of all of that." He said, running his fingers through my hair with a look only a parent should give you. 

I rolled my eyes, feeling the guilt of disappointing Miles of all people. 

"So promise me you'll not do that again." He said, looking at me with those eyes of his. 

I knew that if Miles was asking me to not do something, it was probably for my own good. But he didn't have to worry because Alex had already declared that what happened was a mistake and probably wouldn't happen again. 

"Okay."

We sat there in silence for a bit and while I was overthinking everything, Miles stared at me. 

"You're telling me... Alex did THAT?" He asked, poking at my neck making me flinch. 

I nodded, looking at my friend and waiting for his reaction.

"How can such a small person inflict that big of a mark?" He asked himself, biting at his nails in confusion. "What the 'ell does the rest of your body look like?" 

"Bruised." 

A smile crept up his lips, "So you're still mine?"

I playfully hit his arm, "Forever."

He lay back down and stared at the ceiling. "I'm glad you're going on tour then, I don't need him coming ‘ere and puttin’ ideas in your ‘ead."

I nodded and sat up, "Yes, dad. Now help me pack."

 

A week in to being in the states and I got a phone call from a blocked number as I shot some candid photos for the bands blogs.

I unlocked my phone and answered only to be met with a familiar voice.

“Harlyn, it’s Josh. I’ve been trying to reach you for like, ever.” 

Josh, my older brother that my family had basically shunned for his past mistakes. Mistakes including, setting my car on fire when I was 17, doing cocaine and heroine for years stealing money from our parents and me, going to jail for beating his girlfriend and I guess he’s just gotten out of jail since he was able to reach me. 

“Hey, how are you?” I asked, telling the guys I’d be on the bus to take this call.

“I just got out of jail and shit. Mom and dad didn’t bail me out and left me there for fucking two years. I get out and they tell me you’re not in the states anymore. Where the hell did you go?” He asked, sounding extremely aggravated with me. 

“I got offered a job in the UK that pays well so I took it and now I live here. But right now I’m back in the states shooting some bands.” I explained, feeling like there was a motive to this phone call.

“Well, I need some money. I was wondering if you could lend me some to get myself off the ground since mom and dad cut me off.”

BAM. There it was.

“How much do you need, Josh?” I asked, hoping to god he wasn’t going to use it for something stupid.

“I need maybe $800 to get me an apartment and to hold me off while I get a job.”

I remained silent, debating on whether it was worth it or not. How could I trust someone who fucked with me and the rest of my family? 

“I’m not on drugs anymore, Harlee. I promise.” He said sounding sincere. 

I nodded, “Okay, I’ll transfer the money to your account. Please don’t use it for something dumb, Josh. Please.”

“I wont, I swear. Thanks so much, sis.” 

We ended the call and I transferred the funds to his account and hoped to god I hadn’t made a mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kaaaaaaaaay, so this might've been a slow one but it's setting ground for whats to come. Also, if you'd like to follow me on [Tumblr](http://www.b-b-bang-g0.tumblr.com), that'd be rad. I don't post fic stuff on there but my obsession with Alex and everything AM comes through, also, I'm kinda cool sometimes. :D


	3. I Want It All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harlee gets home and funzies with a cocky Al.

I'd gotten home at 11 o'clock at night and Miles wanted to go out and celebrate that I was back, but I was just too damn jet lagged to do that so I skipped out and headed straight to bed, hoping he'd forgive me for raining on his parade and not going out with him.

I lay there for a while, attempting to sleep when I heard a knock at my door, a very slow knock that creeped me out to no end. I quietly got up, without turning any lights on and went to my door, tip toeing to the peephole, to find Alex behind it. 

I sighed and opened the door, and he didn't waste a second grabbing my face and kissing me hard, while closing the door and slamming me against the wall.

I whined at the pain on my shoulder blade as he tore the shirt off me, turning me around and kissing at the reddened spot on my back. Easing the pain with his kisses, but causing more with his infamous bites. 

"Alex, Jesus, you've got no chill." I managed to spit out as he unhooked my bra, allowing it to fall down my arms. His hands grabbing at my breasts as my face pressed in to the wall while his lips worked at the back of my neck. 

"Shhhhh, love." Was all he said as he pushed my shorts down my legs, while his kisses traveled south, kissing down my legs and back up to the small of my back till he pulled my panties down, then stood to his feet turning me around and pressing his forehead to mine. His eyes were incredibly bloodshot, more than usual.

"You're bloody gorgeous, you know tha’?"

"Don't fucking sweet talk me." I warned, my hand running over his bulge. 

"I can't tell you ‘ow beautiful you are?" He asked, his eyes closing at the feel of my hand on him. 

I shook my head and continued to run my hand over him. That snapped him out of it and he lifted me up, laying me on the couch and ripping his clothes off quicker than he attacked me at the door. 

He strapped on a condom and crawled on top of me, teasing me by running the tip of his cock over me, torturing me to no end.

"You told Miles, did ya?" He said with a smirk on his face. 

My eyes fell on his face and I raised a brow, "was I not supposed to?"

He licked his lips and drew circles on my clit with his thumb while pressing against my entrance, still teasing the shit out of me. 

"Well, no one can know, love. I 'ave a girlfriend."

"Who's cheating on you." I moaned as he slipped inside, once again, not being very gentle. 

I could tell my comment hadn't sat well with him, and the hard thrusting proved it.   
His eyes challenged mine as he came over me and kissed me. 

"I scratch your back, you scratch mine." He hoarsely whispered in to my ear as he began kissing my neck, sure to leave more marks I'll have to fail at covering with makeup. 

I whimpered and bit my lip at how he slowed down, but moved harder than before. God, he felt so good. 

"Is tha’-" another hard thrust, "to your liking, princess?" 

My nails raked down his back as he flinched, and bit harder at my neck than before. 

"Careful, last time you left a nasty mark." He warned. 

"Don't complain to me. You know exactly what you're in for." I groaned as he kissed me, sloppy, and slow. His hot mouth working with my own, pinning my hands above my head, holding my wrists in one hand as the other grabbed in to my hips, his fingertips digging in to my flesh. 

"You want me to be caught, yeah?" He slowed down a bit, hitting all the right spots. 

"I want you to stop being stupid." I half spoke, half moaned as he pounded in to me with such force that I shut my eyes and bit my lip attempting to stop the sounds coming from me. 

"Fuck, Alex, fuckfuckfuckfuck." 

"Oh, God. You sound fucking beautiful." He hissed in to my neck and finally let go of my hands, which immediately when in to that nest of hair, tugging as I kept his mouth on mine, sucking on his bottom lip as my head continued hitting the arm of the couch. 

"Please, harder!" I yelled as he pulled back and kissed my cheek gently while, grabbing my legs and placing them over his shoulders, getting a better angle and mercilessly fucking me in to another dimension. He knew what I liked, and he knew how to make me come. And when I came, I came hard, having to squeeze my eyes closed as his name left my lips.

"I swear, you're a fucking sight when you come, love."

I grabbed his face and pressed my lips to his as he contained to push in to me, getting sloppier and sloppier, his hipbones digging more and more in to my thighs, but I couldn’t get enough. My fingers dug in to his jaw as I deepened the kiss and felt him groan in to my mouth as he came. 

But I didn't let him go. I kept him there, kept his mouth busy with mine as he moaned and tugged on my bottom lip, pulling it in to his mouth. "You're trying to kill me."

He stood to get rid of the condom as my legs fell against the couch cushions, feeling wobbly like I'd been running for miles. 

"I thought you didn't want to do this." I finally mentioned, sitting up and throwing my shirt on, not bothering with my bra, then stepping in to my panties and shorts, going up to the mirror hanging on my living room wall and examining the marks he'd left on my neck. 

I could see him getting dressed, quietly. The cocky asshole that had just fucked me was gone. 

"I know what I said." He quietly answered; coming to me and sort of smirking at the sight of his artwork on my neck. 

I turned to him and cocked my head to the side. "Yet you still came."

"You let me."

"I'm not the one in a relationship."

He nodded with that passive aggressive pout of his and walked out of my apartment.

But it didn't end there. Anytime he got completely shit faced, he’d end up at my apartment and treat me like a hookup, but he’d make sure I came as many times as he could make me. But when it was over, it was almost like a dream and I all I had to prove such events had happened, were the condom wrappers on the floor or the hickeys on my neck, and the bruises on my thighs. Other than that, Alex and I weren’t even close to being “friends”.

Hiding the marks from Miles was a whole different story when he and I were such good friends and were constantly at each others’ homes. I liked to think Alex and I were being careful when we were out in public because we ignored each other for the most part, but I was sure Miles knew something was going on.

But with the way life was going so far, the last thing I wanted to do was fuck Alex, or anyone for that matter. But the more we got in to this friends with benefits affair, the more frustrated he grew that I was slowly pulling away. I wasn’t as in to sex with him as I once was when this first started. Not because I’d “caught feelings” but because I had so much going outside of this that I’d started to retract in to myself.

My brother had become more and more insistent on having me give him money for "rent". I knew all too well what he was using it for and it had gotten to the point of him calling me multiple times a day, leaving concerning voicemails. I didn't know how to deal with that, so all I wanted to do was sleep for a decade.

A decade full of no guys (with the exception of Miles) and worry. I was falling back in to that deep hole I’d fought so hard to get out of and I was scared I wouldn’t be able to escape it this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo yo yoooooo, thanks for reading. I'm really fucking bored so I'll probably update the shit out of this story a lot more than the other one. (well actually K&A's last chapter is already written, I'm just sad it's done and don't want to post it yet). Buuuuuut yes, new one will come soonish. Again, follow me on [Tumblr](http://www.b-b-bang-g0.tumblr.com) for funzies and random shit.


	4. I am Contagious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bar times with Miles, a little bit more in to the Harlee/brother drama and some guilt feelz. Also, the title is from a Night Riots song Contagious. Give it a listeeeennnn.

"I’d like a beer and a margarita for the miss, please." Miles politely told the bartender as we sat at the bar, watching some bullshit game on the plasma screen above us. For it being a game day, the pub wasn't particularly busy and I heavily enjoyed that. 

Our drinks were placed in front of us and we thanked the bartender and continued to mindlessly watch the screen. I was watching but not paying attention. 

"What's going on?" Miles asked, like the psychic best friend he was. 

I ran my hand through my hair and ended up examining the ends, picking at a few split ends. "I'm 100% sure my brother is using again and I gave him money and that's probably what he used to get back on them and... I'm a fucking enabler." 

He took a swig of his beer and gently placed the bottle on the counter. "But you didn't know that's what that was for, right? It's not like you specifically gave it to ‘im for ‘is drugs. You were trying to give ‘em a ‘and."

"It's my fault if he relapses and I'm sure he has. He's been harassing me about money for two weeks now and I'm just... Ugh. I'm over it." I said, lighting cigarette and taking drag, then throwing my face against my hands, rubbing my eyes and instantly regretting it when I remembered the amount of mascara I was wearing. 

"Damn it." I whined, feeling overwhelmed about everything and my eyes stung with the need to cry it out. "And now I got mascara everywhere probably and-"

Miles shut me up by grabbing my face and wiping at my eyes, "You're fine, yeah?"

"I feel like a bad sister," I began, swallowing the knot in my throat and refusing to let myself cry in public. "I called my parents and they told me not to give him anything but, how can I do that? I don't want to just like, shut him out. I wouldn't want anyone to do that to me."

"You've got to remember tha’ you need to take care of yourself first and ‘e needs to get ‘is shit together and do the same. You can't baby ‘im your ‘ole life."

I nodded as Miles pulled me in to him. "I don't trust your brother and you know tha’. There's a reason you moved away, love."

All I could do was nod in agreement. He was right. He was always right. 

I smashed my unfinished cigarette in to the ashtray and put it out as I pulled away from him and gulped down my entire margarita, feeling the need to drown my sorrows in alcohol and get completely wasted. 

"That were a waste of a good cigarette, Harlee." I heard a deep voice behind me say as a hand brushed against my shoulder. 

Miles almost jumped out of his seat when he saw Alex and hugged him tightly with the biggest smile on his face. 

Nothing made Miles happier than Alex. Nothing made me more uncomfortable than having Miles and Alex in the same room. 

"I didn't know you were coming." Miles said, as he sat back in to his stool and Alex took the one next to him. 

"Well, me lady wanted to come and you being ‘ere is even better." 

Slowly, his girlfriend made her way to us, hugging Miles and shaking my hand courteously. 

Scratch that. Nothing made me more uncomfortable than having the guy I'm fucking and his girlfriend in the same place as my best friend who doesn't know I'm still fucking his best friend who has a girlfriend. 

My heart sped up to a horribly fast rate that made me feel like I would pass out at any moment, so I asked for another drink and listened to them chat away and watched like I was interested in what they were saying. 

Yes, it made me a little uneasy with how he had his arm draped around her and watched her with such awe as she spoke. He’d never looked at me like that. 

But Miles did, so there’s that.

I didn't understand why he needed me as an escape when he seemed perfectly content with her. 

Maybe this was his way of ending things with me. And if that was the case, I was oddly okay with that. I was far too overwhelmed with life to be dealing with side bullshit like that. 

I took a quiet deep breath and leaned my head against Miles small shoulder, as he turned to me tenderly kissed my forehead. 

"Alright, there?" He quietly asked, placing his hand on mine and caressing my thumb with his. 

I nodded. "Yeah, I'm just tired, I guess."

"D'you wanna go?"

I shook my head. "Nope. But if you lend me your shoulder for a little longer that would be really cool."

He smiled, "anything for you, princess."

He turned back to Alex and his girl and I couldn't help but squeeze Miles hand as I watched the TV in front of me, actually getting in to the game but no knowing who the hell was who, or who was playing. 

"Easy, love. You're cutting off me circulation." He whispered, as I let go of his hand completely and straightened up in my seat. 

"Sorry, that game had me a little stressed out." I laughed, "I'm gonna go to the little girls room." 

"Alright, I'll be ‘ere." He warmly smiled as I grabbed my bag and headed outside instead of the bathroom. 

I sat on one of the cold benches and pulled the sleeves of my sweater down over my hands as I lit up another cigarette, fully intending not to waste this one. I took a drag and pulled my hoodie over my head as I exhaled the smoke and watched it swirl around before being carried off by the light breeze. 

I could feel my phone vibrate in my bag so I pulled it out and saw a text from my brother. 

I really need money, Harlee. Please don't do this to me. Don't abandon me like our parents.

I didn't bother replying. I knew in my gut that he was using and I couldn't be another factor in that. I could just hand him that money and hope he'd leave me be but with what happened last time, I was scared. I was beyond scared he'd find me.   
What would I do then?

"Hey, can I bum a smoke off you?" I heard someone ask. 

I looked up and found myself looking at Alex's girlfriend. 

"Oh, sure." I answered, handing her a cigarette and lighter, as she sat next to me and lit up. 

"Are you okay? You seem kind of quiet tonight." She asked, concern in her voice, as she handed me the lighter back.

I studied her face and hated how damn pretty she was. 

"I'm just tired. I've been working a lot and Miles dragged me out here against my will." I said with a laugh to lighten the mood. 

"Aw, that makes sense. You didn't look your normal self in there so I was just asking, in case you needed someone to talk to." She kindly smiled at me. 

Fucking god damn it. 

I mustered the best fake smile I had in me. "That's sweet, thank you. But I'm okay."

She gently placed her hand over mine, "Just know I'm always here, and even Alex is here for you."

Yeah, he literally was.

I nodded and we finished our cigarettes and headed inside. She looked a lot happier while I felt a lot heavier. She was so sweet to me, yet I was letting her boyfriend fuck me till I was covered in bruises throughout my body. This wasn't right. 

But I mustered the best smile for the rest of our outing to make sure no one else decided to be nice to me and have me feel like more shit.

Miles dropped me off at home and I quickly locked my door and dragged myself to my bedroom, removing my jeans but keeping my shirt on and going to the bathroom to wash my face and my already fucked up mascara. 

I looked in the mirror and hated what I saw. It felt like I was back home in the states with the same dead expression in my eyes. I didn't want to fall back, but with the way things were, I felt like falling. I felt like crumbling to that occasional crave I'd learned to ignore. No, I couldn't do that. I wasn't the same person I was before and I refused to relapse. 

I pushed my hair behind my ears and brushed my teeth for longer than two minutes because my brain was elsewhere. My dentist would be so proud. 

I wiped my face with a towel and turned off my bathroom light, and went to the bedside table, plugging in my phone and setting it on "do not disturb" for the night. 

With a slight whine, I crawled in to bed and turned on the tv, making myself comfortable, and becoming one with the blankets. 

My eyes were becoming more and more heavy when a voice snapped me the fuck out of my sleep. 

"Harlee?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y00000000, thanks for reading! Also, totes proud of myself for being on a roll and updating often. YAS GURL. Till the next chapter!


	5. I Go Crazy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talks with Alex, fluffy Miles.

I didn't budge when I heard his voice, the only thought I had was why was he here?

"How did you get in?" I asked, not taking my eyes off the tv, attempting to make it seem like he was unwanted here, and he sort of was. I wasn't in the mood for anything. 

"I found your spare key." He quietly explained, like he'd done something wrong. 

I raised a brow, "did you lock the door?"

"Aye."

My eyes shifted towards him and I didn't detect that he was intoxicated. Or at least he wasn't as shit faced as he usually was. 

"I'm really not in the mood tonight." I said, dropping my gaze back to the television as he awkwardly stood there, his hand nervously scratching the back of his head. For once, he didn't seem to know what to say. 

"That's alright, I sort of just wanted to come check on you." 

I shifted a bit, eyeing him up and down, making sure he hasn't hit his head, or gotten shot or something that would cause this concern for me. 

"Check on me? For what?"

He shrugged, "can I stay?" 

I nodded and turned on my side, keeping my eyes on the TV as I heard him remove his shoes and then his leather jacket before crawling in to bed like a scorned child.  
He didn't get under the covers with me but sat on top of the blankets, his eyes set on the television for a moment. 

I was honestly weirded out by this. I hadn't been alone with him without ripping each other's clothes off before so sitting here in this awkward silence was strange. 

"Wanna talk about it?" He quietly asked. 

"Alex, you don't care. You don't need to ask."

He was definitely not drunk, but he was gorgeous. 

"But I'm asking. As of late you've been... Distant." He quietly said, and the way he spoke made me want to grab his face and kiss those lips of his. 

"Just because I haven't fucked you more than usual doesn't mean something's wrong with me." 

He shook his head, "that's not what I said, love."

I looked away and shook my head. "Stop. Okay, just don't."

He sighed, an aggravated sigh and shook his head. "Arielle was right when she said you seemed off-" he mumbled and I snapped my head towards him. 

"And doesn't that sound like a fucked up thing to say? Your girlfriend is concerned about me. Like, doesn't that make you want to rethink everything we've done?"

He stared at me with a blank face and slowly furrowed his brows like all I'd said was barely catching up to him. You could practically see the information loading in his brain. I swear I saw the swirling loading cursor.

"D'you not want to do this anymore?"

"She's... She's too amazing to have you do this to her." I admitted, sitting up and facing him. 

"She's doing the exact same thing to me-"

"Alex, you love her! I see the way you look at her and you can't continue doing this if you want to salvage the relationship. Do you think she'll forgive you if she finds out you cheated?"

"Does she expect me to forgive her?"

"You're still with her! Obviously you have." I shouted, not intended to raise my voice but it's as if he wasn't listening. 

"I can't deal with the guilt of her caring if I'm okay or not and I'm fucking her boyfriend. I can't do this."

He laughed and stood, slipping his shoes on. "That's bloody great, Harlee. Really. I thought we had a good thing going and-"

"What?! You initially said it was a mistake yet you continued to come over and do this over and over again. I can't-"

"I come to you because I like your fucking company. And I came today to make sure you were okay but seen as how I'm not welcomed here anymore, I'll see you around."

He grabbed his jacket and took off, leaving me in more of a mess than I already was.

I got out of bed, put on some pants and drove to Miles' place. I didn't feel like being alone after that with all my racing thoughts and self-destructive tendencies. 

I got to his flat and let myself in, then quietly made my way to his bedroom and found him already asleep with all the lights out, absolute silence. I dropped my bag on the floor as quietly as I could and crawled in to his bed, laying next to him as he shifted a bit and wrapped an arm around me. 

"Alright, love?" He asked in a raspy voice as I nuzzled in to him as close as I could, closing my eyes and shaking my head. 

"No, not at all."

"What's going on?" He asked, holding me tightly against his chest, his fingertips scratching the back of my head how I loved. It soothed the fuck out of me when he did that.

"Go back to sleep." I whispered. 

He shook his head, "No, not until you tell me what's wrong?"

"I- everything feels like it's falling apart and I'm tired of bitching about it but if I don't I'm afraid I'll fall back in to... You know. And now Alex is angry and I just-"

"Alright, breathe. Let's take this one topic at s time, yeah?" He softly said, his lips brushing against my forehead, planting small kisses. 

"Alright, now you won't fall back in to tha’. As long as I'm around I will protect you from absolutely everything, got tha’? I won't let you fall, I fucking swear on my life." He sternly said, kissing my forehead again. "Now, why is Alex angry with you?"

Oh god. I didn’t really intend to mention him.

I shook my head, "I don't know. I just got that vibe." I lied. 

"Oh, love. ‘e comes off that way. Always ‘as. But I'm sure that's not the case. Don't worry about tha’ one, ‘e's always talking about how lovely you are." Miles said and I could hear the smile in his words. 

"’e should be jealous that you're mine."  
I looked up at him and kissed his cheek. "I love you, Mi. What would I do without you?"

"You know, the day I met you, I knew we'd be in each other's lives forever." That sparked my interest.

"How?" 

"Because I fell in love with you so quickly. I thought you were absolutely amazing, still do. And the fact that it's been years and I still feel the absolute same way about you is incredible." I studied his gorgeous face and smiled at him, nuzzling my face in to his neck and placing a kiss at his throat. 

"I love you more." He quietly said, tipping my chin up and having me look up at him. Those gorgeous eyes of his, so soft, so loving. 

"How much?" I asked, loving the way he was looking back at me with so much adoration. 

"From ‘ere to infinity." He said in to my lips, finally engulfing me the way he had years ago, the way he had when we were in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I rushed the shit out of this one. Follow me on le [Tumblr](http://b-b-bang-g0.tumblr.com/)


	6. Still Take You Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Concert time with Harlee and Miles, ft AM & after party fun

"Miles, it literally shouldn't take you this long to find an outfit. You're going to a concert, not the met gala." I complained, while lying on his extremely large bed, watching some TV. 

Why did he need such a huge bed? Like, it was legit bigger than any bed I'd ever seen. I should sleep over more. 

“I've got to look good for these people that will probably take candid photos of us. I'm a fashionista, love. I can't disappoint the masses." He said, walking out of his closet in a pair of tight black jeans, boots and a blazer over a black shirt. It didn't look that "fashionista" to me but he did look good. Especially with his longer hair and his cute little bangs he had going on. 

I rolled my eyes and sat up, turning off the TV and standing next to him in front of his full-length mirror. 

"So much for not going to the met gala. You're wearing that bloody dress." He bitched, hugging the shit out of me. "How did I get such a gorgeous best friend?"

I laughed in to his chest and pulled back, looking at my reflection. I figured I'd pull one of those "I'm-going-to-a-concert-but-it-seem-like-I'm-going-to-ball" kind of looks. "Can we go now? I really don't want to miss any songs." 

"You know, I didn't realize you were quite the Monkeys fan until the other day."  
The other day when I serenaded him with all the songs from, Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I'm Not, album. 

"I actually told Al to play your song tonight."

I turned to him, my eyes wide in excitement. "No, you fucking didn't."

"I promise!" He shouted, fixing my bangs and sweeping them to the side.

"Really?"

He nodded. "Anything for you, love."

I couldn't help the squeal that came out of me as I jumped up and down like a child, wrapping my arms around him. "Do you think they'll play it?" I asked, looking up at him, hopefully. 

He smiled, "We'll see. Now, come on!" 

He grabbed my hand and led me out to the car, diving us to the venue and letting valet do its thing while we walked inside, hand in hand, sure to give the photogs an eyeful. 

Miles obviously knew everyone here because no one questioned him when he waltzed backstage with me, and headed to Alex's dressing room as the bands techs were setting up. 

He knocked on the door and turned to me, "You're getting that look, love. Don't drift off, yeah?"

I nodded, "I'm just going to get a drink, but I'll meet you side stage in a bit?" 

He nodded, "Alright, the bars around the corner so you don't ‘ave to go back towards the entrance."

I smiled and kissed him on the cheek, then made my way to the bar feeling a little bit like child with my dress and my flats, since I wasn't a very talented high heel walker.  
Once I hit the bar, I got my drink and heard the crowd begin to get louder which was my cue to get the fuck over to the side stage area. 

I quickly rushed over there and found the guys already on stage and beginning their first song. 

I spotted Miles and went to him, offering him some of my drink and jammed a long to the songs they played. I couldn't help but admire the sheer talent Alex possessed. Once he stepped on stage he basically screamed sex. There was not a single person in the room that wasn't drooling over him. 

A few drinks later I turned to Miles, about to comment on something when I heard the intro to Still Take You Home and my eyes went wide, my mouth dropping to the floor as this was the first time ever hearing the song live and it was my absolute favorite. 

Miles smiled so big as he and I danced along like idiots while Alex took small glimpses of us, a smirk on his face. I hadn't danced that hard in so long that I didn't stop when the song ended; I went along to all the songs, slowing down and dancing with Miles when the slower songs came on. 

Before the band went off stage Miles and I decided to get ahead of the crowd and head to the backstage bar and get some more booze in us before we met up with Alex.

"See, ‘e played your song." He smiled at me as I squeezed his arm. 

"Yes! It was the best like three minutes of my life. I can't believe I got to hear it live." I raved on about it, about how much of a spiritual experience this was for me. 

"I'm glad, I'm really glad." He answered, hugging me again. "Listen, I'm going to the bathroom, be good?”

I nodded and sipped on my drink as he walked away towards the loo. I smoothed my dress down my legs a bit when I felt someone stand next to me, a little too close. I looked up about to protest when I noticed who it was.

"Well you looked good out there, dancing to me songs." Alex said with a grin on his sweat-drenched face. 

That's when I said possibly the lamest thing. 

"Did I look good on the dancefloor, Alex?" 

He had to look away to hide his smile about the idiotic thing I'd just said. But he nodded, "Aye, you did."

"I can't believe you played that song." I commented, still high off my post concert vibe. 

"Miles told me that were your favorite. I figured I'd play you a song and it was quite the treat to see you dancing." He smirked. 

I rolled my eyes and hit his shoulder. "So what's next for Alex Turner?" I asked and just in time there was a loud wave of cheering and realized Alex was about to get swarmed by the sea of his loving fans. 

"Duty calls, love. See you later?" I nodded and watched him stroll towards his fans. 

Later that night, Miles dragged me to the shows’ after party and I didn’t want to be there but I figured that since I actually was there, I may as well enjoy my time and get my mind off everything. 

And get very drunk while doing it. 

I drunkenly danced with Miles, his hand firm on my waist to prevent my dress from riding up. 

"I'm so glad you let me choose your outfit, love. You look amazing. No ones been able to take their eyes off you." He whispered in to my ear as I laughed in to his chest and tugged my dress down a bit. 

"Thanks, Mi. I feel like a hooker." I admitted with a blush on my cheeks. 

"You're a high class hooker." He joked, kissing forehead. 

I looked around at the huge club we were at. It was packed wall to wall as I was glad we were up on the balcony and not in between all the sweaty, dancing people below us. The strobe lights made me dizzy but lit everything up beautifully.

"I'm gonna hit the little girls room." I yelled over the loud music as he nodded and went to the bar. 

I slowly made my way to the bathroom about to open the door when I was grabbed by the arm and pulled in a completely different direction. I'm surprised my ankle didn't twist at the force I was pulled. 

Finally I heard the lock of a door and I turned to see Alex standing there looking rather stressed. 

"Alex?"

"D'you do this on purpose? That dress should be illegal." 

I looked down at my legs the back at him as he slammed me against the stall and locked lips with me, his tongue wasting no time in exploring my mouth. And I couldn't help but kiss him back with just as much intensity. 

"You look so fucking good, Harlee." He hissed as his hand traveled up my thigh, raising my dress till his hand was on my ass and the fabric was bunched up at my hips. 

"I thought we were clear on this-"

"I've tried all night to restrain myself but I can't. You're just... too much for me. I need you."

His lips dropped to my neck and as soon as I felt the kisses become more of a bite I instinctively pulled away. 

"No marks, Alex."

He scraped his teeth against my throat and growled. "Don't worry, I'll be good."

Just the way he said that made me absolutely melt. 

My hands gripped tight to his button down shirt and tugged at it. "We can't do this here. We- someone could walk in and-"

"And what?" He asked, as his hand slipped inside my panties and his fingers rubbed small circles on my clit. 

"Ohhhhhh," I hummed in to his neck, closing my eyes and digging my nails on to his shoulder. 

"How I've missed that sound." He growled in to my mouth as my hands began to undo his jeans, pulling them down a long with his boxers, my fingertips skimming his erection, getting jolt out of him.

"Say you want me." He demanded, pushing a finger inside me, pumping in slowly.  
I gripped his shoulders hard, staring at the ceiling, trying not to make a sound. 

"Say-" a second finger was added to the mix, "you want me."

I snapped my gaze in to his blackened eyes full of lust. "I want you, Alex. I fucking want you."

He chastely kissed me, "that's a good girl."

He found a condom in his wallet, strapping on and pushing my panties down. He grabbed my leg, lifting up and pressed it against his hips, slowly thrusting in to me as I threw my head back against the stall wall. Digging my fingers in to his hair and pulling when he began a slow pace. His hand kept slipping off my leg from the sweat building between us, but he quickly grabbed on to my thigh with his fingertips digging in to keep me in place. 

I nuzzled my face in to his neck and kissed at the exposed skin, nipping at it and sucking at the salty skin, but not minding it one bit. I kissed at one particular spot causing his noises to get a lot louder. 

"A-Alex, they'll... Fuck.. They'll hear u-" I squeaked as he hit my spot, repeatedly. 

He kissed at my cheek, then my ear, "I want them to hear you." He sped up, my ass hitting the stall as he went at an ungodly speed. "You sound so fucking amazing."

"God, Alex. Fuck!" I purred in to his lips as he kissed me hard. Sloppy, wet, and loud kisses that would’ve disgusted me if it hadn’t been for the current situation we were in. 

"Come, baby, come for me." He said in that awfully erotic, deep voice of his. And maybe it was that he called me baby, but I came and it was a loud. He continued to fuck me, riding out my orgasm as he bit down on to my bottom lip with a with more aggression, his heavy breathing continuing to turn me on to no end. 

He bit harder as I whimpered at the pain and felt him come and by the sound that came out of him, he came just as hard as I did. 

He placed his forehead on my shoulder and caught his breath for a moment, gently releasing my leg so I could stand on my own. 

I ran my fingers through his hair and took a deep breath, hoping to calm my heart rate. 

"Fuck, Harlee."

We stood for a few minutes, our heavy breathing the only noise in the room. "I don't want to move." I said, my voice coming out as barely a whisper. 

He nodded and looked up at me, very softly cupping my face and kissing me again, a lot softer and slower, soothing my bottom lip that'd he previously harshly bit. The lack of roughness was strange, but good. He pulled back and disposed of the condom, tucking everything in and buttoning his jeans up while I pulled my panties back up and my dress back down. 

I stepped out of the stall and went to the mirror, swiping my fingers under my eyes to remove any eye makeup, then made sure my hair was pristine, like nothing even happened. As I reached for the door he much gentler pulled me back. 

"Can I say something?"

I watched, waiting for something idiotic to come out of his mouth. 

"You really do look beautiful." He placed a small kiss on my cheek, which in turn freaked me out and made me rush out of there as quick as I could, making my way to Miles who jumped out of his seat as soon as he saw me. 

"That were the longest loo break ever, love. Jesus!"

"There was a line, it was intense in there." I lied. 

I had gotten exceptionally good at lying and lying to my best friend. When was I going to get my shit together?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This was fairly long but it's leading up to something really effin' huge. Thanks so much for reading and give me a follow on [Tumblr](http://b-b-bang-g0.tumblr.com/). :)


	7. Not So Sad To See You Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A surprise visitor arrives to stir things up.

I lay in Miles bed, clicking through the channels as he continued to sleep next to me, his face pressed in to my side with an arm draped over my stomach. 

He was a beautiful sight. 

I turned my attention back to the television and lost myself in some late night reality show, straining my hearing to figure out what the hell was going on cause I had the volume on so low. One, I didn’t want to wake him up, and two, it wasn’t even light outside, but I couldn’t really sleep.

I could feel Miles stirring next to me and place a kiss on my bare stomach, his hand bunching up my shirt as he pulled himself up and over me, his sleepy eyes looking down at me with longing. 

Without a word he placed his lips on mine, kissing me endlessly as I held his face in my hands, softly stroking at those perfect cheeks of his. He moved down to my neck and placed soft kisses there, mumbling a good morning in to my skin. 

"Morning, you're up and ready to go, aren't you?" I laughed. 

He nodded, and pulled back, pushing my shirt up my stomach and over my boobs, placing kisses all over, sucking at the skin gently. Going to my breasts and kissing around the outline of my bra. 

"I want you."

No, no. I couldn't. The guilt of being with Alex and miles would eat at me and turn me in to the biggest hypocrite. God, but how I could turn him down? 

I sighed at his touch, grabbing his hair and pulling him up towards me, kissing his lips. 

"Do you realize how so very beautiful you are?" He asked, continuing his soft touches, showering my body with kisses. 

He lowered himself and kissed around my stomach, my hipbones, when he stopped causing me to look at him in confusion. 

"What are all these little bruises, love?" He asked, kissing at the small blue and purple bruises. 

"I'm clumsy at work." I lied, knowing full well Alex's fingertips had dug in to me. The guilt was immense, I almost pulled him off me but his sweet words came at my ears. 

"You should be more careful or I'll be forced to continue to kiss all these bruises of yours."

This man was the absolute sweetest person on earth and I was lying to him. What was wrong with me?

"Miles, I- I can't do this." I said, watching him abruptly stop and look up at me, puzzled. But his face quickly went from confusion to anger. 

"You can shag Alex but not me?"

My mouth dropped open, shocked at his remark. "That's not what this is, Miles. I care about you and I don't want to- i don't know, hurt you." I explained but I could see the hurt in his eyes. 

"You can let yourself out." He quietly said as I got out of bed, gathering my clothes and leaving his flat more empty than I'd arrived. 

____________

After a tiring day of shooting a local band for their promo shoots, I lugged myself home and found a very strange sight sitting outside my door. 

"Um..."

His head popped up and he quickly got to his feet, coming to me and throwing his arms around me, enveloping me in to the tightest hug imaginable. 

"I was wondering when you'd get home!" 

I didn't even know how to react; my brother had made his way across the world to me. He'd found me. 

"Uh, hey, Josh." I croaked out, not even able to speak correctly. Trying to sort out how this happened. 

He pulled back and smiled, "Why don't you look more excited? I haven't seen you in years."

I mustered up a smile, "Uh, how did you get here? How did you find me?"

"I have connections." He said as I unlocked the door and let him in, turning on the living room light, eyeing him cautiously.

 

"Make yourself comfortable. Do you want water or anything?" I asked him, as he sat down on the couch, looking around probably trying to familiarize with everything. 

"Water would be great." 

I nodded and went to the fridge pulling out a water bottle and handing it to him, then sitting across from him. "What brings you to my side of the world?" I asked, crossing my legs and awkwardly tapping my finger on my leg. 

"Wanted to see you! It's been so long and I just missed you." He said after taking a long gulp of water. I watched him and noticed how much skinnier he looked. But then again, I hadn't seen him in a really long time. 

"Oh, well I'm here." I dryly laughed.

After an hour or so of catching up and beginning to drink a little alcohol here and there the conversation had turned towards where I didn't want it. 

"So, Harlyn, I was wondering if I could possibly borrow some more money. I know mom and dad haven't cut you off and-"

"I don't ask them for money, Josh."

He nodded. "Yeah, okay. I know that. But I really need some money right now."

"What for?" I asked, standing to my feet and going to the kitchen to grab a water bottle for myself. 

"You think I'm using again, don't you?" He asked, turning to look at me. 

"In fact I do know. I see it, you're all twitchy. You think I haven't noticed?"

"I... I need the money, okay. I fucking need it. And you're the only one who can help me." He begged, his voice becoming louder and I had the feeling in my gut that things were about to get heated.

I shook my head. "No, I can't do that. Do not count on me to give you money for drugs. Do you not remember what it did to us?" I yelled. 

"We were young! I can stop whenever I want, Harlyn." He argued. "Please give me the money."

He stood to his feet coming towards me and I instantly felt like something was wrong. 

"I'm sorry. I can't." I said, stepping back and I didn't know when it happened but all I remembered was a loud smack and my head hitting the wall. My vision blurred for a moment but I struck back as hard as I could. I screamed for help and punched back and hit his face but I was cornered in to the wall and all I could feel was pain. 

"Get off me!" I shrieked as I pushed him and attempted to run around him, but fell to the ground as he got on top of me and began to strangle me. 

My arms felt weak as I grabbed on to his neck trying to pull him away. My eyes began to water as the air left my lungs. My vision began going black but soon came back when I saw my brother being thrown off me and to the floor. 

I took a lung full of air and sat up, my aching body trembling when I noticed who had come to my rescue. 

Alex was on top of Josh, hitting him hard as Josh attempted to get him off him. I couldn’t wrap my mind around the scene before me, the tears forming in my eyes as he turned to me and growled through his teeth. "Call the police, Harlee."

I stared not knowing what to do even though he's just told me. I couldn’t react. 

"CALL THE POLICE!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had a root canal today and I'm probably going to update a lot quicker than usual since I'm just at home. Hope you guys dug this chapter, and thank you for reading! Follow me on [Tumblr](http://www.b-b-bang-g0.tumblr.com)!


	8. But She Hasn't Got It To Give

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for self harm and a suicide attempt. If that's not to your liking, please do not read this chapter. But other than that, a bit of a downer update, but a major point in the plot.

I sat on the couch, shell shocked, and trying my best to not throw up after all that has just happened. Watching Alex walk the police officers out, thanking them politely and closing the door behind him, made me so nauseous. Why was he here?   
But I was so glad he showed up. 

My eyes scanned the kitchen where there was random shit on the floor from the fight and me trying to get my hand on anything to get him to stop. 

I wished to be like an etch a sketch and shake my head to make the images go away. 

He turned to me and opened his mouth about to speak, but stared at his hand instead, his bruised knuckles stood out more than anything. 

"Since you didn't let the paramedics take you to the ‘ospital, I'm going to fucking make sure you're okay." 

He walked over and sat next to me, cautious to not sit too close to me but his hand caressed at my face with the most gentleness. He slowly tipped my chin up and examined my neck, probably covered in finger shaped marks. "God, love. You're bruised."

I let out a sarcastic laugh and sniffled. 

"Can you please tell me what the ‘ell just happened?"

After being interrogated by the cops and answering a million questions over and over again, the last thing I wanted to do was answer more. I stared at him, blank faced and shaky. "Um, I don't want to talk about it." My voice came out as a mere whisper, raw from screaming my lungs out. 

But he wasn't taking that for an answer. "You owe me a fucking explanation as to why I just had to beat a guy to the fucking ground." 

But it was now or never and I needed to let all of this out. 

"I... When I left the United States it was because I was trying to start over." I began, wiping my eyes with the backs of my hands and flinching at the pain. "I- we- had a very privileged life. We had anything and everything handed to us and because of that we fell in to the wrong things at an early age. By 14 I was addicted to hardcore drugs. At 17 I overdosed and my parents put me in rehab.” 

I had to shake my head to clear my mind of the memories I’d pushed back since I was so young. It had been a long time of me pretending none of that happened. “When I woke up I decided I couldn't do this anymore. I didn't want to live a life where I couldn't remember what I did the day before. I couldn't do it. I recovered but my brother never did and any time he was going trough withdrawals he would get.. He'd lash out."

"So this ‘as ‘appened before?" He asked, his voice sad, as he reached over and held my hand in his. 

I nodded. "Yeah, and that's why I moved away. Because I didn't want him to find me and he did and now here I am, going through the exact same thing as last time."  
Alex watched me, at a loss for words and I didn't know if I had made the correct choice or not.

"He believes that my parents provide me everything but he's so wrong. I literally have worked for everything I have. Everything you see in this apartment was bought with my money. And he feels isolated from the family cause he's the one who couldn't pull his shit together."

"But why would ‘e do tha’?" He asked, confused. 

I shrugged and shook my head, "He's been violent with me and his girlfriend. She put him in jail for two years and he still didn't learn his lesson."

He hung his head and sighed. "I'm so sorry." 

I sniffled again and nodded. "Yeah. Um... I'm going to take a shower and clear my mind."

I stood, but he grabbed my hand and weakly smiled. "I'll be here."

I shook my head, "No, it's okay. You can go home Alex."

"I said, I'll be right here." He sternly said. 

I pulled my hand back and slowly made my way to the bathroom, closing the door behind me and turning on the shower. 

I pulled the toilet seat down and slowly sat, gathering my thoughts, attempting to process what had just happened and it dawned on me that I didn't want to do this anymore. I had dealt with this so many times and it broke me down a little bit more each time. 

I stood and went to the mirror, taking in my damaged reflection. I was so angry that I hadn’t been able to defend myself, and now my under eye area was bruised, my lip was bloodied up, my face ached. But more than my face, my heart. Why would anyone's own blood do this to them repeatedly?

I opened the cabinet and stared at my solution. The shiny pair of scissors calling my name, egging me on to end it. I reached in with shaky hands and tears trailing down my face, my sobs becoming more and more uncontrollable. 

I was scared but I almost felt at peace.I hadn't contemplated taking my life in years but all I craved was to be numb, to be gone. 

I placed the sharp tip on my wrist and with trembling force, pressed down as hard as I could, dragging the blade across my wrist, blood gushing out a lot more than I'd expected. 

I couldn't help but let out a cry at the pain and in no time the door swung open and a very confused Alex couldn’t even find the words to say, "What are you-" 

He very quickly lunged at me when he realized what was going on, attempting to get the scissors away from me.

"Harlee, no." He shouted, coming from behind me as I fought with him, trying my best to hit him to get him off me. The blood gushed down my hand on to the floor.

"Leave, Alex!"

"Stop!"

"Let me go, please!" I cried, as he managed to grab the scissors from me and throw them on the floor. I attempted to lunge at them, but he held me back, struggling to keep me in his grasp with all the trashing I was doing. 

"Please, I can't do this anymore." I begged, starting to feel weak, but wanting to finish what I'd started. 

"We can fix this, Harlee. We can fucking fix this, but not like this." He pleaded, his voice shaking with fear as I struggled against him and finally pulled away so hard that I fell to my knees, crying out in pain as I reached for the scissors and Alex dropped down, resting heavy on my back, his arm reaching over me and flicking the scissors across the living room causing me to cry out in frustration, pressing my face to the ground and crying harder than before. 

"Alex, please. Please." I begged. 

He softly picked me up and off the ground, and on to his lap, wrapping an arm around me and tightly covering my wound with his own hand, to stop the bleeding. The blood seeped through his fingers on to his jeans and the floor as I gave up, no longer having the strength to fight him. 

"Please let me end it, please." I cried in to his neck, not being able to move. "I don't want to do this anymore."

He shook his head, " I wouldn't be able to live in a world without you." He softly said, kissing my forehead, the top of my head, my face, anything his lips could reach. 

"I want to die." I sobbed uncontrollably; too weak to do anything other than rest against him. 

"You're okay, love. You're going to be okay." He whispered in to my hair, trying to soothe me out of this miserable state I was in. Half of me was pissed that he didn’t let me off myself, but the other half was angry at myself because he sounded so terrified. His voice shook and cracked, and showed a lot more fear than he was letting on.

It took about fifteen minutes for him to calm me down. Fifteen minutes of him reassuring me that this would never happen again and that'd he'd always be here for me. 

He very slowly stood, carrying me in his arms and turning off the shower before taking me in to my room. He gently lay me down on the bed and tucked me in as best as he could with no cooperation from me, then began to walk away but the whining noise that came out of me pulled him back. He sighed and crawled in to the bed next to me, his chest pressed against my back and his arms holding me against him.

I pressed my face in to the pillow and tried to muffle my cries but that only made me feel short of breath. The aching of my wrist more overpowering that any other physical pain I was feeling right now.

He kissed the back of my neck and whispered, "I've got you, baby. I will never let anyone hurt you again, I promise."

I shook my head and cried, "You can't promise that."

"As long as I'm around I won't let anyone lay a finger on you." He reassured. 

No matter how many times someone told me that, I always knew it wasn't true. But for some reason when he said it, I was an inch closer to believing. But one question that I needed answered crossed my mind. 

"Why did you come tonight?"

His hand that had been caressing my arm suddenly stopped and it seemed like I'd caught him off guard. "Another time, yeah? That's not important right now."

I nodded, and closed my eyes. Hoping to sleep this horrible feeling away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Goooooosh, this took me forever to write out and I'm not 100% happy with it but whatever. Hope y'all are still liking this story and such. Thank you for reading. Follow me on [Tumblr](http://www.b-b-bang-g0.tumblr.com).


	9. Makes It Seem Juvenile

I turned, flinching at the pain of my wrist as it hit something hard but warm. I slowly opened my eyes and found myself curled up in to Alex, who was on his side, dead asleep.

I didn't want to fall back asleep, trying to savor his face in my mind. He looked absolutely breathtaking when he slept. 

After a few minutes of lying there, all the emotions from last night caught up with me. I could feel the sting of my eyes and the scratchiness of my throat as I remembered my brother hitting me, getting dragged out of my home by the police and then attempting to off myself. 

A small twitch of his hand caused me to jump a bit as the arm that was draped over my waist pulled me in closer. His face inches from mine. There was no way he was still asleep. 

I watched him stir and finally he shifted a bit and kissed my forehead. 

"You're awake." He mumbled in to my hair, his eyes not opening one bit as he continued to squeeze me, almost as if he was stretching but hugging the shit out of me at the same time. I wanted to squeal at how he was squeezing at all the bruises but I didn’t dare disturb him.

"I don't want to be." 

He kissed my forehead again and began to place soft kisses on my face. "Maybe I can kiss you back to sleep." 

His lips neared mine and I instinctively reached up to cup his face but I accidentally bumped my wrist on his shoulder and flinched back so hard, a whine leaving my throat. 

"Are you alright?" He asked, gently grabbing my arm and kissing around the wound that he had obviously wrapped while I was asleep. The gauze was a dark red surrounding the cut, almost making me sick at the sight of it. 

I shoved my face in to his chest and closed my eyes, riding out the throbbing pain and breathing in his scent to calm myself. 

"'ave you done this before?" He asked suddenly.

I wished to not know what he was talking about but I did. And I didn't want to admit it but he would get it out of me one way or another. 

I didn't make a sound but nodded, my nose grazing his collarbone. 

"When?"

I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to recall the moment, "um, when I was on my drug binge. I almost succeeded but my mom found me."

His thumb rubbed slowly at my back, holding me against him and soothing me without saying a word. I didn’t need him to say anything. 

"D'you want breakfast?" He asked, his fingers working through my hair and scratching my scalp the way Miles always did. I leaned in to him and nuzzled my face in to the crook of his neck, my nose pressed in to his skin. 

I shook my head and felt him hold me as tight as he could. If I honestly could stay this way with him, I’d be the happiest person in the world. He had such a calm to him that transferred to me. Aside from when he was in his ‘fuck only’ mode, he was the sweetest man. 

"You 'ave to eat, love. Just summat small." He said as I tilted my head up and studied his face, his brown eyes looking back at me with such warmth. 

"I'm sorry you had to... You know. Last night." I stumbled over my words, not really knowing how to word what I was saying. 

He shook his head and let go of me for a moment to grab the blanket that had slipped off us and pulled it up over our shoulders. “I'm just glad I were here for it. I don't know what would've happened if... tha knows?"

With a nod, my gaze fell upon his collarbones as I tried not to look him in the eyes because I was ashamed of what had happened. I had fucked up so badly that I tried to off myself and poor undeserving Alex had to deal with it when he probably came over for a booty call. That's one hell of a mistake to show up when someone's getting beat by their own brother. 

We lie there for a while in complete silence and I almost thought he fell back asleep because he was so still and quiet but suddenly his voice shook me out of my thoughts.

"D'you want me to call Miles?"

I thought about it. The last time we'd spoken he kicked me out of his house for not sleeping with him. I was hurt that he'd take it that way when I meant it as in I didn't want to hurt him. 

"We're not exactly on good terms." I quietly said. 

"Should I ask?"

"No."

He made a noise and closed his eyes As I studied his face. His beautiful profile, his hair falling over his forehead, his pouty lips, his freakishly long eyelashes... He was just so…

"Alex?"

He cracked an eye open and nodded his head. 

I closed the space between us and lightly kissed his lips. It took him a moment but he kissed me back but abruptly pulled away. 

"A-are you sure we should be doing-"

"I want to forget."

Seconds went by with his face completely blank but he quickly nodded and collided mouths with mine. The stinging of my lip wasn't enough to make me want to pull away. My fingers wove in to his hair and tugged him closer to me, wanting him as close as he could be. 

And that was the first time we didn't aggressively fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, sort of a filler. Also, it didn't occur to me that I'm channeling Humbug era Alex in this and I don't think I mentioned it before, but yeah. Thats what that is.


	10. Love's a Risk

Alex hadn't left my side for three days. Three days full of him making me grilled cheese sandwiches at any hour of the day. Three days of attempting to make me laugh, succeeding on the second day. Three days of him holding me till I fell asleep, singing any tune that came to mind, and kissing the tip of my nose. But also, three days of getting phone calls from jail where my brother continued to call me from. He wanted out, and I wanted nothing to do with him. 

On the fourth day, I convinced him it was okay to go home and take a shower, get some rest on his own bed without my negative vibes around him. Maybe call his girlfriend to pretend he missed her. He was reluctant but agreed. Though he made up excuses to stay for as long as he could. I kissed him on the cheek and told him I wouldn't off myself while he was gone, which I honestly think freaked him out more than put him at ease. 

I had excused myself from any photo shoots I had in the works because frankly, it wouldn't look to swell to have a bandaged wrist and call it a sprain. I wasn't quite ready to go outside and face the world just yet. I was still trying to process everything and figure out whether I should tell my parents or not. After all, he was my brother and I didn't want to completely isolate him from the family. 

It hadn’t even been half a day when my phone rang. Alex’s stupid face popping up on my screen with a big grin on his face from the photo’s he decided to take and not delete from my phone. For someone who didn’t know how to use Instagram, he was a selfie pro. 

"Hello?"

"D'you miss me yet?" He asked, the smirk evident in his voice. 

"Do you? Since you called and all." I teased, keeping my eyes on the television to distract myself from that feeling he gave me of being weightless. 

"Ehhhhh," he started. "Sort of." 

I laughed and rolled my eyes. "What's up?"

"Wondering if you'd want me to take you summat for lunch, or... tha knows." 

"You have the day off, Alex. Why do you want to come back and have no fun?" I asked. 

"Yes or no?"

I rolled my eyes again and threw my head back against the couch in defeat. "Yes."

"Now we're getting somewhere. What would you like?"

"Anything at all. Whatever you get." 

"Erm, you feelin' some greasy fast food?" He asked, with the most adorable tone. 

"That's okay with me." I said, looking at my wrist and feeling the need to scratch it as hard as I could but I refrained. "Can you get like, extra fries?"

I could hear him shuffling about wherever he was, "Yeh, but it's going to cost ya."

"I have change." I chimed in. 

He chuckled. "Not quite what I ‘ad in mind, ‘arlyn."

I covered my mouth to keep myself from laughing my ass off at how stupid I was. How did I not catch that? A giggle escaped, "See you soon?"

"Be there in thirty."

I hung up and continued to watch the screen till there was a knock at my door. I slowly got up and went to answer it and Alex was very punctual. He held two bags of food and our drinks barely in his grasp, but he leaned in and kissed me hello. Something he hadn't done before. Sure he'd kissed me like that but it was usually to get things off the ground quicker but this time, it was a simple kiss on the lips. A simple greeting that launched an ocean of butterflies in my stomach.

And I couldn't deny that feeling. 

I stepped aside and let him in as he put the bags on the counter, followed by the drinks. He began to pull the food out and place it in the counter and I sat on the stool next to him, taking a sip of my sweet tea. 

"Good?" He asked, raising an eyebrow and smiling down at me as he sat on the stool next to me and stuffed a fry in his mouth. 

I nodded and began to eat my chicken sandwich.

"You were gone for four and a half hours. I figured you'd stay away for days or a year." I said, dying at how good this damn food was. 

He nudged my arm with his elbow and finished chewing his food before speaking. "I missed you too much."

"You're such a huge sap, I swear to god." I teased, rolling my eyes and turning to him, laughing at the bit of ketchup on the corner of his mouth. 

I reached over and with my thumb wiped off the condiment, causing his lips to curl in to a smile. He gently grabbed my chin and pulled me in to him, giving my lips a peck before pulling away and continuing to eat. 

It didn't hit me that we had progressively become closer and acted more and more like we had an actual relationship. He was sweet, and when we got down to it, he was sweeter. He had gone from this sex instigator who was constantly cocky and aggressive, to the sweet man that sat before me, giving me random kisses and held me till I fell asleep. It was a huge 360, but I could see why Arielle loved him. He was the perfect gentleman when it came down to it.

"We act like a couple." I mumbled under my breath.

He turned to me and thought about it for a moment, then nodded. "We do, don't we?"

"Mhm. And speaking of... How have you been spending so much time here? Isn't your girlfriend worried?" I asked, eating more of my fries than my sandwich and being in complete awe over his hair. How could someones’ hair be so damn flawless and perfect? It gently curled at the bottom, his fringe often falling over his eyes.

"She's out of town for a month or so. She called me twice and ‘asn't spoken to me since." He shrugged. "Dunno."

I nodded and decided I was done with my food, so I sat there staring at the counter wondering if him being here was a good idea. But then again, he was here when Miles was off being pissed at me. 

There was still one thing I needed to know, so I cleared my throat and went in for the kill. 

"You look tired." He said, swiveling in his chair and turning to me, holding out his hand for mine. Beating me to the punch. 

"It's the no makeup look." I joked, not looking him in the eye, but taking his hand.

"Bullshit." He chuckled, kissing my knuckles. 

Shit like that was what drove me insane. He was way too much for me.

"Really? Because you know what I-" I stopped realizing this man had seen me at my worst, no makeup, mascara running down my face. He'd seen me at times I wished no one had. 

"Exactly." He smiled, squeezing my hand a bit, then letting go so he could throw our trash away. 

"He wants me to go see him." I quietly mentioned, throwing it out there. 

"Who?"

"Josh."

He was quiet but I noticed his muscles tense up. He continued to clean up but didn't say a word and I was wondering if he'd even heard me. I waited a few more seconds and got a response. 

"I- I know I don't really ‘ave a say, but I don't think you should."

I let out a breath I wasn't aware I was holding and shook my head. "You do have a say."

His eyes made their way to mine and he cocked his head to the side like a confused puppy. "Yeah?"

I nodded my head and saw him lean on the counter behind him and cross his arms in front of his chest. "Well, if that's right, then I'm going to suggest you don't. ‘e's already done enough and it would absolutely kill me to ‘ave you fall back in to tha’... place."

I watched him walk around the counter and come over to me, swiveling my chair around so I could face him, his big hands holding my face "I-" he took a deep breath, gatherings his thoughts. "I wouldn't feel very comfortable.”

"Maybe... You can come with me?" I asked with hopeful eyes. 

He leaned down and kissed me, backing away and placing his forehead on mine, kissing the tip of my nose with a small smile on his lips. "Alright." 

"You're amazing." I said, indulging in the sweet feel of his lips on mine. 

"Mm" he groaned, not wanting to tear his mouth from mine. “Because of you."

Fuck. 

I was in deep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW! This was out quickly. Goes to show that I have no life. Anyway, hope this wasn't too awful. Follow me on [Tumblr](http://www.b-b-bang-g0.tumblr.com).


	11. Old Yellow Bricks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of backstory with Harlyn and Miles. I'm aware the dates are probz not very accurate, but then again, this isn't real. Onwards!

2006

As a struggling 19-year-old photographer, trying to make ends meet while living in a foreign place was definitely not where I thought I'd be. 

Sitting alone at a bar, texting my friends from the states, letting them know I wasn't dead yet, and that I probably wouldn't reply after 12 pm because my phone was about to be shut off, since I hadn't paid my bill yet. And I was probably going to go mental without my medication, but hey! No one would care about the manic depressive American sitting alone and plotting her death. I couldn't exactly afford anything and I definitely couldn't afford to spend money on these cheap drinks but it was the only thing keeping me from sinking and going back home to my parents empty handed. 

I took one last sip of my drink before deciding to call it a night when someone sat next to me and turned to me with a very warm smile. 

"Hello."

He looked like something out of a rock and roll magazine with the way he was dressed in a band tee shirt and skinny jeans, his shaggy hair falling and framing his face. 

"Hi."

"You're looking quite lonely on a Friday night, love." Ah, I kept forgetting people here had accents.

"I was just about to leave, it's getting late-"

"Can I buy you a drink?" He asked, his hazel eyes very hopeful. 

I began to shake my head but he held his hand up, "I won't take no for an answer."

Pushy, but charming in a way. 

"Okay, just one."

"That's all I ask for." He smiled at me and ordered us our drinks. Turns out that we had a great load in common in the sense that we liked the same music. He was hilarious and I laughed my ass off with him, and it definitely wasn't the alcohol. 

"So you just moved 'ere, ey?" He asked, leaning his head on his hand, his elbow propped up in the counter, giving me his full attention. 

I nodded. "Yeah, two months ago. It's completely different from back home so I'm having a little bit of trouble adjusting." 

"I know the exact feel. I moved to Paris with a mate o' mine and it took me a good month or so to get used to the fact that no one spoke English." He said with an infectious laugh. 

My eyes widened. He must've been very wealthy to move to France. "Did you go to Paris for school or?"

He vigorously shook his head, "no, no. We were recording our album so we got a flat over there for the summer."

"Album? You're a musician?" 

He nodded very proudly. "Aye."

"Need a photographer?" I joked, the alcohol obviously kicking in. 

"You shoot gigs, do ya?" 

"I do. I haven't shot anything huge cause getting pit passes is kind of hard when you don't have a huge portfolio but I've shot shows here and in the states." 

He was about to say something but was cut off by someone coming to him and wrapping his leather-covered arms over his shoulders and around his neck. 

"'Ere you f'ockin' are! We've been lookin' for ya, mate!" Said the boy with the short hair with a very relived smile. He finally noticed I was there and pulled off his friend. 

"'oo's this?" He asked his friend. Now this one was very cute, a little awkward looking but cute. 

"Oh, I haven't caught your name, love." He realized. 

A blush spread over my cheeks as I quietly said, "Harlyn."

"Ah, that's Harlyn, I'm Miles and this is me bezzie, Alex." He introduced. 

I nodded and smiled. "Very nice to meet you both."

"Al, this lovely lass 'ere is a photographer. We could 'ave 'er shoot our gig tomorrow." Miles suggested, looking up at his friend as he pondered the idea and nodded. 

"So what do you play? Crowds of 100, 200 people?"

2008

The sweat was rolling down my face from the heat of being in the photography pit for The Last Shadow Puppets. I had to pretend to be very professional, though Miles purposely kept making a silly face anytime I tried to take his photo. But he quickly got in to his song and allowed me to take amazing photos of his and the rest of the band. 

"Alright, lovely people. This next song is dedicated to someone equally special to Al over here" He said in to the mic, smiles and all. "She's an American I met a while back but completely won my heart over. Sorry, Al." He joked as Alex gripped his chest, dramatically. 

"This one is for the cute photographer in the pit down there." Pointing straight at me.

Oh god, no.

"Yes, you." He grinned and kicked in to his song. 

I bet they didn't catch exactly who he was pointing at but I felt like all eyes were on me, and the sweating felt like it wasn't just from the heat anymore. I kept my composure the best I could but couldn't deny the butterflies he had just given me. In fact, I couldn't deny him ALWAYS giving me butterflies. He had been the single most amazing person to me, and it felt like our friendship was maybe starting to become something more. But then again, I was just his friend when beautiful girls surrounded him all the time and I definitely didn't measure up to those girls. 

After the show I met Miles backstage and as soon as he saw me he ran to me, throwing his sweaty arms around me kissing my cheek, and then kissing the rest of my face with small kisses and I almost fell to the ground and turned in to a puddle of mush. 

"Such a great gig and I'm so happy you came!" He exclaimed, very overly excited, pulling back but keeping me at arms length. "Did you get good photos?"

I nodded and laughed. "You ruined like half of them. But at least I'll have good pictures to blackmail you with." I joked as Alex came up to us, smiling at me. 

"Enjoyed the show?" He asked. 

"Yes, you guys never disappoint." I said, sounding like such a fan girl. 

"Are you going to stay for some celebratory drinks?" Alex asked, a girl coming up behind him and wrapping her arms around his tiny waist, kissing him on the cheek. How salty that kiss would've tasted. 

"Oh, no thanks. I have to get going, I need to go edit these to have them up by tomorrow." I said, being the debby downer of the night. 

"Can I come? I want to choose which ones you sell." Miles threw in, with a hopeful smile on his face. 

I smiled, "sure."

We said our goodbyes to Alex and headed back to my place after he signed and took photos with fans and changed in to clean clothes. 

We walked in to my new apartment that I had been able to get with the money I was getting from my photography thanks to Miles getting me in to many huge gigs.

"Are you hungry?" I asked, turning to Miles who stood by the door, removing his shoes before coming towards the kitchen and helping himself to my pantry. 

"Noodles are fine with me." He said, pulling out those cups of noodles you make in the microwave. He had a confusion to his face which I figured was exhaustion but he was pensive. 

I laughed and put the water in the cups and throwing them in the microwave. "Miles Kane pays $500 dollars for a plate of food at a restaurant but eats .54 cent ramen at home. Classy act!" 

"Oh, come off it. You know I'm not one of those people." He said, playfully hitting my arm, then rubbing it up and down like he'd actually hurt me. 

I turned to him and raised an eyebrow, "are you okay? You seem weird." I noticed how he tensed up at my question but quickly grinned at me and shrugged. 

"Maybe I'm just tired." 

"Are you sure you want to stick around for my fun photo editing?" 

He nodded, "of course. I wouldn't trade that for anything." 

I smiled at him and nodded, just in time for the ramen to be done. I handed him his and a fork and we were off to my computer desk. We set the ramen down and I began to upload my photos to my library, picking and choosing which I would use and which would go in to my folder of outtakes. 

He immediately found one he fell in love with. "This one, this one is good. You've got me an Al looking very much in love." He dramatically said. 

I covered my mouth and giggled. "Sometimes I think you two are in love."

He chuckled and turned towards the screen, blowing on the noodles on his fork in silence for a bit before setting the cup back down, uneaten noodles and all and turning to me. 

"Actually, no. I have my eye on someone."

I was too caught up in editing the photo he had chosen to turn to him so I nodded my head and asked, "oh yeah?"

"Yeah." 

He placed his hand over mine that was on the mouse, clicking away and stopped me. I immediately turned to him and something in his expression had changed. 

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

His eyes were full of awe and something else.

"I like you." He quietly said with a small smile. Such an adorable and hopeful smile. 

It was like my heart stopped and I didn't know what to do. "Me?"

"You." His hands crept up to my face, his fingers running through my hair and very gently pushing it behind my ear. He very slowly pulled me in and closed the space between us, his warm lips meeting mine. 

"Be my girlfriend?"

All I could do was nod and pull him back in to me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So now we know how Harlyn and Miles met and began their relationship. I really hope this story is still okay with you guys. Anyway, thanks to those still reading. Find me on [Tumblr](http://www.b-b-bang-g0.tumblr.com) and be my friend.


	12. Somewhere Darker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well this has been in the notes of my phone for a million years and I feel like this story is going to shit and I'm rambling and I'll stop now. Carry on.

After accidentally answering a call from my brother in jail, hearing the threats, the despair in his voice because I refused to help him, he hung up on me, in tears. 

I couldn't keep myself together after that. I stood from the bed and went over to my bathroom cabinet, fishing out the orange bottle with the safety cap on the top. I struggled as I pushed down on the top and twisted, but finally got it off and picked out the small pill I needed. 

I took a deep breath and put it on my tongue, cringing at the taste but dry swallowing it, closing the bottle and setting it down on the sink counter, not bothering with putting it up when I would have to take another soon. 

I rested my hands on the sink and looked up in to the mirror and What I was met with was absolutely horrifying. My skin was pale, my eyes dull and outlined red from all my weeping. The bruises had started to fade but somehow still looked worse than before. The finger marks on my neck had disappeared for the most part, but the colors around my eyes reminded me of how those got there. My reflection was the biggest disappointment to me. The last time I looked like this was months ago, almost a year and i had started to become hopeful that maybe I was getting better, that i was going to be fine and I wouldn't need to take these stupid pills everyday but obviously I underestimated my ability to remain well. 

I could feel the hot tears rolling down my face as I left the bathroom and went straight to the kitchen, grabbing the last of my bottles of vodka, opening it and taking the largest gulp I could handle, some spilling on to my chin, then my shirt like the sloppy asshole I was. 

Setting the bottle down on the counter for a second to gather my thoughts, to think about what I was doing and how the vodka wouldn't sit well with my medicine. But with the sobs leaving my throat and the impending feeling of doom all I could do was chug the contents of the bottle and cry at how helpless I was.

Helpless and hopeless. 

As drug myself to the table and sat on the chair, bottle in hand, heart racing as I tried to comprehend how everything I had built, had come crashing down quicker than I'd managed to fix it. My brother was in jail, it didn't exactly have the best relationship with my parents, I mean, we were fine but I knew they were massively disappointed in me. Miles wasn't speaking to me but it wasn't like I'd tried much. I texted him once during a moment of weakness when Alex wasn't around, to tell him about what was happening and he read the message and didn't reply. My best friend didn't reply. 

The more I thought about it, the more I drank and the more my thoughts stopped making sense and all I could do was sit there, with the bottle in one hand and my head in the other, crying in to my hand. 

The buzz was getting the best of me and I needed to drink more to keep my head in the clouds. I didn't bother looking at what I was doing, and as I reached over to grab the bottle I was met not with the cold glass, but with a warm hand. 

"Jesus, what are you doing?" Alex asked, grabbing the bottle and sliding it over to the other and of the table. 

When did he come in that I hadn't heard him?

"Are you okay?" He asked again, pulling my hand from my face and having me look at him. I couldn't exactly see him very clearly, but i saw his outline and that nest or beautiful curls around his face. 

"Can I have the bottle?" I asked, my words being slurred by my lazy tongue. 

He shook his head, "How many pills did you take?" His voice was firm, but I could tell it was on the verge of wavering. 

I wiped at my extremely numb face with my hand and turned my attention to him. "One."

"Promise?" 

I nodded, standing and reaching for the bottle only to have him push it further down the table. "Alex." I whined. 

"What are those for? Are they prescribed?"

I sat back down and rubbed my face again, "they're fucking... They're anti depressants."

He stood there, silent, the loading cursor appearing over his head when he cleared his throat, "why didn't you tell me you were on those?"

I bitterly let out a laugh, knowing it was all building up and I was going to blow. "It's not exactly the easiest thing to say to someone, Alex."

"But... How long?"

"As long as I can remember." I mumbled, reaching again for the bottle, not being stopped by Alex this time as I stood in front of him, drinking as much as I could before he decided I'd had enough. 

"Wipe that terrified look off your face, Turner." 

His mouth hung open but he finally spoke. "It's going to be alright."

"I have a fucking problem, Alex. I'm battling depression and substance abuse and that's not the way it's supposed to work." I shouted, my voice shaking. 

He grabbed the bottle and held it in his hands, looking down at it with the most frightened expression. 

"I want to help you."

"Not you or anyone can help me." I cried as I attempted to walk away but my legs had a completely different plan, dragging me to the floor where I lay, sobbing uncontrollably for the millionth time. 

He set the bottle down on the table and sunk down to his knees next to me, kissing my cheeks and lovingly stroking my hair. 

"Even if it's just for twenty minutes. I want to make you happy." he whispered as he kissed my lips, softly. 

His body slowly climbed over mine, his mouth taking over but never rushing. He savored every moment of our kiss, lightly biting at my bottom lip and lacing fingers with mine, pinning my hands above my head as his lips began to trail over my face, jaw and neck. 

"You don't have to-" I breathed as he lightly sucked at a certain spot on my neck chasing me to unravel beneath him. 

"Breathe." He quietly said and I noticed just how calm I was becoming. He knew exactly how to calm me down whether it was his kisses or his voice. He soothed me. 

He locked lips with mine again and before I knew it, we were naked on the floor, my arms wrapped around his neck, as he thrust in to me with summat more than lust. He was holding out longer than usual and I had a guess as to why, but I would never question it. At least not now. 

"I'm going to protect you." He kissed the words in to my neck. 

His lips connected to my collarbone, his nose pressed in to my neck as I raked my fingers through his hair, the feeling becoming more and more powerful inside me. 

"Alex-" I had to stop myself and a gasp came out of me as his fingers began to stroke away, his lips pressed on to my cheek, leaving soft kisses around my face. 

"Come, baby." He whispered. 

I swear every orgasm I had was more intense than the last and he knew how to make me come undone. It's like, with each time he studied me and figured out the way to give me the most pleasure he could. 

Afterwards, we lay next to each other on the floor. I didn't feel great, but I felt a lot lighter, the tears had finally stopped and for the first time in a while I could breathe. He slowly dressed and like the gentleman he was, he dressed me too, then pulled me in to his arms and carried me in to the bedroom, laying me down on the bed and crawling in himself. 

After a while of laying next to each other in complete silence, I turned and dug my face in to his chest. "If you know what a wreck I am, why do you stay? This isn't what you signed up for."

He rubbed my back and kissed my forehead. "I signed up for you. Whether that is shagging or taking care of you when you're self destructing, I'm in it for you."

I gazed up at him and was met with those eyes of his, sleepy and tired but I couldn't look away. "How does she not love you?"

He sighed and shrugged. "She did once." The way his voice carried a sadness broke my heart. 

"Do you love her?"

"Not as I once did."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talk to me on [Tumblr](http://b-b-bang-g0.tumblr.com)


	13. It Might Make It Worse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is shit.

Throughout this awful few weeks, I had managed to keep sane with the thing that had helped me before, photography. 

Shot photos of my apartment, my food, the sky when I went outside for a smoke, and most importantly, Alex. He was quite photogenic but absolutely hated me taking his photo. Half the time, I made sure he wasn't paying attention when I took his photo so they'd come out as beautiful and as candid. 

Developing the photos was half the fun, but the other was putting them up on my photo wall that I'd abandoned after some time. I had stopped caring about my photos after Miles and I had broken up and it felt as though I would never get back to it. But Alex had become my muse, my inspiration to keep shooting and to focus on something other than this impending sadness I constantly felt. 

I could hear Alex calling for me from the kitchen just as I finished putting the last few photos up. 

"Love, come on. Don't want to be late."

I walked out of my room and in to the living room, grabbing my bag and quietly going to the door, then out to the car in complete silence. God, I was scared. 

The entire ride I was anxious, skittish, constantly shaking my leg, tapping my foot on the floor of the car. Keeping my eyes on the road ahead and trying to clear my mind so I didn't go in to this with a negative vibe. 

A hand came down on my leg and steadied it. "Harley, breathe. It's going be fine." Alex's smooth voice echoed. 

I turned to him and gave him a weak smile. "Sorry."

"Don't be nervous."

I pressed my head in to the window and closed my eyes, trying to steady my heartbeat, my thoughts, and my trembling limbs. I was brought back by the noise of him pulling in to the parking lot and parking the card and killing the engine. 

"Come on, then." He said and got out, I quickly followed suit and followed him inside the glum building, through security check and to the counter to ask for a visitors pass. 

I gave the clerk the information and waited for a security guard to escort us to the room where we'd be meeting with my tormentor. 

I must've looked a lot more distraught than I thought because Alex pulled me in to his arms and kissed the top of my head. "It's going to be alright, baby."

I breathed in his scent and instantly felt a calm wash over me. "Thank you for coming with me."

He nodded, "but i think I'm going to stay outside, alright? So you and him can talk."

Before I even had the chance to respond a tall security guard came to us and led me down a narrow hallway, opening a door and allowing me inside where my brother sat, handcuffed hands on the table, with a glare you'd never want to feel. 

I slowly sat down across from him and examined his bruised face. Bruises Alex caused. Bruises Alex caused trying to save me. 

"Harlyn, before you say anything I just- I'm sorry." He quietly said, with a much more genuine tone than ever before. He sort of actually sounded like my brother. The one I'd grown up with, the one who would take care of me during elementary school.

I didn't expect that, but it made me feel a lot more at ease. 

"God, I'm so sorry. I don't know why I thought I could do that to you, and I just-" he sighed, a few tears slipping from his eyes. 

"I accept your apology, but it's not okay, Josh. It's not."

"I know! Okay, this addiction drives me insane and all i want is to feel okay again and I don't know how to do that without it."

I reached over the table and gently held his hand, "I wanna help you, but getting you out isn't going to do that. If I bail you out you'll fall right back."

His head dropped and I knew that wasn't what he wanted to hear, but it was all I could do for him. "I'm sorry."

He nodded. "I know you're trying to help. I just hope you're right by keeping me here."

There was a moment where I could feel myself wanting to bail him out, wanting to send him to some sort of rehab center where he couldn't check himself out until he got better- but I knew that's not how these things worked. They were rarely that easy.

"I have to go." I quietly said, not wanting to be there longer and possibly change my mind. 

He nodded and I stood, heading towards the door so the guard could let me out.

"Love you." He quickly said before I walked out. 

"Love you too."

\-----

We got home and I dropped my bag on the floor, feeling so much more exhausted than before. As much as I loved my brother and would forgive him for everything he did, he was slowly killing me because I was torn about what to do. Should I just leave him there to fend for himself? It hardly seemed fair since this wasn't even his home. Maybe I could call my parents and have them sort it all out, not that they would be too keen in doing that since the last time this happened. I was stuck. 

I slowly lugged myself toward the stool and sat down, leaning my elbows on the counter and resting my chin in my hands and closing my eyes for a moment. I didn't want to think of anything, I didn't want to deal. 

"Harlyn" Alex quietly called my name, placing his hand on my shoulder and causing me to look up at him. 

He had a pill in his hand and a glass of water in the other for me to take. Ever since he found out I was supposed to take medication he had made some sort of mental schedule and was on top of all my pills and capsules. Like it would make a damn difference. 

Once I'd taken a few sips, he grabbed the glass and set it down on the counter, slowly throwing his arms around me and holding me close to him, soft fingers stroking my back as i pressed my face in to his chest.

"You did so good today." He softly said in to my hair. 

"It just feel like I can't do anything right. I don't know what to do."

He pulled back and held my face in his hands, thumbs softly stroking my cheeks. "You're doing the right thing, you are."

I looked in to his eyes and was about to speak when I heard the door open and Alex flinched, backing away from me as I turned and saw Miles at the door. He had a certain look in his eyes and I knew the cat was out of the bag. Fuck.

"Well, don't you two look cozy." 

My mouth opened but nothing came out. Luckily Alex jumped in. 

"Hey, Mi. Back from your trip?"

He nodded, his eyes narrowing on Alex. "Aye, I got back a few hours ago." He dropped his keys on the counter and came to me, giving me a kiss on the lips as if he were marking his territory in front of Alex. I couldn't help but sort of flinch at his kiss, making his lips end up on the corner of my mouth. Could I be anymore fucking obvious? 

I immediately saw Alex tense up but attempt to remain as cool as possible, when Miles pulled back and went to hug his best friend. 

"Aren't I lucky to have you looking after me girl." Miles said simply, but there was venom behind his words. He pulled back from Alex and headed back to me, his hands on my face as he examined my bruises. 

"How did this happen?"

"Um-"

Alex cleared his throat and began to step around us. "I'm going t' go. See you two later."

Miles didn't even acknowledge Alex, almost as if trying to make him feel unwanted and it broke my heart. 

When Alex walked out of my apartment, a part of me felt empty. My muse was gone. 

"Go on, what happened?"

I went on to explain the entire painful event and how Alex had come to rescue me. Attempting to make it sound like I hadn't spent almost every day with him, learning everything about him, from his pet peeves to his quirks. The way his chest rose and fell when he slept, how my fingertips felt on his warm skin, how he had the purest heart out of anyone I'd ever met. 

He was a friend. Not anything else. 

"Why didn't you call me?" He asked, and I almost wanted to slap him across the face. 

"I texted you and you left me on read. Regardless, you kicked me out of your house the last time I saw you. What was I supposed to do?"

"I'd drop anything for you, you know that. Instead you called 'im and 'e's no one."

"He's not-" I stopped myself before sounding too defensive. "He's your best friend. Don't talk about him like he's not."

Miles glared finally softened and his walls came down. "I'm sorry, I'm just- I wish it would've been me to take care of you."

"It's okay, Miles. Really, it's okay."

It wasn't okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Told you this was shit. Find me on [Tumblr](b-b-bang-g0.tumblr.com) and tell me how much I suck.


	14. The Tragedy Is True

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another flashback. 2011

"Babe, I 'ave a request." Miles said very much out of the blue and scaring me out of my concentration on my laptop. I glared up at him, raising an eyebrow, ready to chuck the closest item at him if this was summat sex related. 

"And what is that?" I asked, locking my eyes to my laptop screen again as i edited a photo I had taken a few nights ago. 

"We've been together for like, ever, right? But I feel like you don't really get on with Alex as well as you maybe should."

"I thought we got along great. He comes over all the time, he makes us dinner and listen to crappy music. I think we're okay." 

He sighed and moved my laptop away from me, pushing it towards the other end of my desk and he pressed his hands on to the desk, giving me a certain look. "Harlee, you know what I mean. He's my best friend, you're the love of my life, I want you two to be almost best friends. I want all of us to be madly in love with each other."

I scrunched up my face at those awkward words that just left his mouth. "Ew. If you're planning a weird threesome, please erase that off your list."

He smirked, "I can dream right?"

I made a disgusted noise and stood, going to the kitchen and pouring a glass of water. Trying to wipe the awful image of having a threesome with Miles and Alex. God forbid. 

"Okay, maybe not the threesome, but I want you to go out to lunch with him, maybe. You know, get to know each other."

Defeated, I sighed and turned in his direction, "is that what you really want, Miles?"

He walked towards me and held my hands in his, with a big toothy grin. "Yes, I would absolutely love it."

I nodded, "okay, fine. I'll go to lunch with him if it makes you happy."

He kissed me, full grin still on his face. "Thank you, he's going to be so excited. He thinks you're the absolute best."

I rolled my eyes and playfully hit his chest, "oh my god, shut up! No he doesn't!" 

His hands fell to my waist as he kissed around my face, "he thinks we're meant to be and I agree. That's all I care about."

\----

I walked in to the small restaurant Alex had chosen for our lunch and followed the waiter to the table. He politely pulled my chair out as I thanked him, smooth the skirt of my sundress down and sat, gently pushing the chair in and asking for a glass of water. 

I looked at Alex who was fidgeting with the curls in his hair, looking up at me through his fringe, appearing nervous. 

"Well, this is a first." I quietly laughed, setting my phone on the table as he leaned in and smiled at me. 

"A bit nerve wracking that we've been sent on a mission to bond." 

"What if we fail?" I dramatically asked, gasping loud. 

That got a laugh out of him, and the ice was broken. We ate and spent a lot longer at the restaurant than I expected. Not really talking about anything important but shooting sarcastic comments and rude jokes back and forth. He was a funny guy and I fell in love with his very childish and adorable laugh. 

"You know, for being as famous as you are, you're okay."

He laughed, "I'm just okay? Ta, love. And 'ere I were thinking you were a lot more than cool."

I shrugged, "miles said you thought I was the best so I'm not worried."

He ran his fingers through that hair of his, and moved his fringe away from his eyes with his thin fingers. "That's true. You make Miles happy and he's head over heels in love with you so I think you're the best for making him a bundle of love."

I stared at him as I sipped water through the clear straw. "Are you sure you're not in love with him?"

He threw his hands in the air, "of course I'm in love with him! He's me bezzie."

I took a deep breath and decided to voice summat that id been thinking about for a while. "I hope you don't think I'm coming between you two. I know how close you are and... I don't... You know?"

He nodded, "you're not. Trust me, you're welcomed in to our circle."

We ended our little lunch sesh and I drove home to find Miles staring at his computer screen, with a huge smile on his face. I set down my bag on the counter and cleared my throat, scaring him out of his trance and shutting his computer closed. 

"Hey, love! How was lunch? You were gone a lot longer." He commented, and drank from his wine glass. 

"It was good. He's pretty cool. I think he's given you his blessing to date me." I giggled and skipped my way over to my adorable boyfriend and sat on his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck. 

"I'm glad. He knows how much you mean to me. I love you."

I kissed his lips and then the tip of his nose. "How much?"

"From 'ere to infinity." He stopped and took in a deep breath before reaching back on the desk and pulling a box in front of me. My heart stopped and I realized what was going on. 

"In fact, I have another request." He pulled the small box open and revealed the most gorgeous diamond ring. 

It wasn't over the top, huge diamond. It was a simple thin band with a cute diamond just how I imagined it. 

"Miles-"

His eyes full of happiness as he looked up at me and smiled. "You are my world. Will you marry me?"

I had to blink a few times, make sure I wasn't making this all up in my head. "A-are you serious?"

He nodded. "Yeah. You and me forever, what do you say?"

\--

The day came and I was dressed up in my gown, my makeup on and my hair down in loose waves. I was the most excited I'd ever been. I looked at myself in the mirror and smiled at how beautiful I felt. 

There was a slight knock at the door and Miles quickly stepped in, closing the door behind him and shutting down all my positive feelings about to day with the expression on his usually calm face. 

"Miles?" I quietly asked as he leaned up against the door and closed his eyes for a moment like he was thinking of what to say. 

"What's wrong?" I asked, slowly making my way to him, trying not to trip over my dress since I hadn't put my heels on. 

I held his face in my hands and asked him to look at me, the look in his eyes said it all and I felt like my world was crumbling. 

He pulled me in to him and kissed me but summat was wrong. I could tell. I pulled back. Desperate for answers

"Miles, please."

"I can't do this. I'm not... I'm not mentally ready for this, love. I don't know why I- I can't. Not right now." 

I pulled away, staring at him in disbelief liked he'd just slapped me. "W-what? Are you really-"

His face fell and his eyes avoided mine at all costs. "I'm so sorry. I love you, you know that. But if I do this right now, I don't want to fuck things up later." He stepped towards me, pulling me in to his embrace but that was the last thing i wanted. 

"I can't believe you're doing this. Why today? You had a whole year to change your mind and you decide to do it when I'm in the dress." I cried, not being able to hold the tears back. 

He turned away and shouted at nothing, maybe at himself. "I'm sorry! I can't do this."

I grabbed his sleeve and spun him around. "Is there someone else?"

He shook his head, "no, never. I love you. I fucking love you. I've known that since the day i met you. We're meant to be, Harlyn, but not now."

He held me in his arms as I cried in to his chest. Years of dating all for what? "I love you. I love you so much." He whispered in to my ear. 

"Fuck you!" I yelled, pushing him against the door. "That's not fucking love, Miles. That's not fair."

He attempted to hold my hand but I was livid. I yelled at punched him and pushed him and he he took it. He deserved it. 

I ripped the veil from my hair, the pain not bothering me one bit and I pushed him out of my way. 

"I hate you." I whispered and made my way out of the room I was in, thinking of where the fuck the back exit to this place was. I ran down the three flight of stairs and made my way outside in to the pouring rain, my dress dragging on the ground much like my heart. 

I looked around, rationalizing that I looked insane in my wedding dress in the rain, that I didn't have any shoes on, and I had nowhere to go. I stood there for a second, deciding whether I should go back on or not and take this stupid thing off when I noticed someone walking out of the building in a rush with someone calling their name.

Alex followed his girlfriend outside explaining something to her, telling her how much he loved her and for her not to go. She pushed him away but he didn't let go. He only reassure her how much he cared for her and loved her and part of me was breaking down inside watching this, wishing Miles was with me right now. 

I took a deep breath in between sobs and headed back inside, slowly making my way up the stairs, my feet raw from the textured steps but I finally made it back to the room I was just in and found Miles sitting on the edge of the bed, head in his hands as he quietly cried. 

The door closed behind me and his head snapped up. He had a look in his eyes as he reached out, coaxing me to go to him and I couldn't help but comply. He pulled me down in to his lap, holding me close to him as I cried in to his expensive suit. 

"I'm so sorry. I love you." 

"How can you say that?" I cried in to his neck, my hair and this stupid dress sticking to my skin but I couldn't bring myself to move off him.

"It's true, Harlyn. I love you more than anything." He stopped and gently tipped my face up to his. Glassy eyes and all. "Say you love me back like I know you do."

"I love you." I whispered and for the first time that in our entire relationship, Miles cried. He cried for me, for him, for ruining our special day, for things he couldn't control that had ever gone wrong. I wanted him to be okay and I forgave him. 

That night we promised to never leave each other side, relationship or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Tumblr](b-b-bang-g0.tumblr.com).


	15. What Did You Expect?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Took a rather long hiatus but now there's this part.

Months before:

I was sitting on my computer, editing some wedding photos from a shoot I did the weekend before when I felt a warm kiss placed on my neck, right below my ear. 

"You're an amazing photographer. I knew it the moment you showed me your photos the very first time." Miles said, as I turned to him and watched him put his shirt back on after an afternoon spent in my bed and a nap after our festivities. 

"Amazing and beautiful." He whispered, leaning in and placing his lips on mine for the millionth time that day. 

My hand traced his jawline, gently as I kissed him back, trying to stop my mind from going to where it wanted. I had forgiven him for what happened at our supposed to be wedding, but when he said things like that, it made me wonder exactly why he didn't want to be with me if I was so amazing and wonderful. 

"Best be going, love. I'll call you." He kissed me again and was out the door. This is how it always was now. He'd come over, fuck and then he'd leave. We weren't together, we were friends yet we still acted like a couple but he wouldn't dare ever call me his girlfriend. God forbid. This whole thing was starting to take a toll on me. 

I turned back to my photos but my mind was too far in to deciphering what I did wrong, for me to work on anything. So i stared at the screen and pretended to be okay, but I wasn't.

Suddenly, my phone rang, scaring me half to death before I finally picked up my phone and saw Alex's name on my screen. 

"Hello?"

There was a long silence and then a small mumbled sob. "Ha-Harlee? Can you... I'm drunk off me ass and I can't fuckin drive. Can-"

"Where are you?" I asked, worried about the way he sounded so distressed. 

"At the pub, the one we come to." 

"Okay, stay put. I'll be right over." I said and hung up. Quickly putting on my shoes, grabbing my keys and I was out the door. 

I drove to our usual pub and parked up front, where Alex was steady waiting for me and he stumbled in, putting on his seat belt as he leaned back and sniffled. 

"What happened?" I asked, pulling away from the pub and toward his flat.

He was quiet for a moment but quietly said, "she cheated on me." 

I glanced over at him as he pinched the bridge of his nose, a few tears slipping out of his sad eyes. "No remorse either. She acted like it weren't a big deal."

"How did you find out?" 

He took a deep breath and sighed. "I caught 'er in bed with the bloke." 

There were two broken people in my car and I didn't know what to say. What could I? "I'm sorry" was all that came out. 

He wiped at his face with the back of his hand. "No, I'm sorry. I know you're- you've got enough on your plate."

I shook my head as I pulled in to his parking garage for his flat, parking and turning towards him. "It's okay, it's sort of nice to hear other peoples problems...sorry."

He laughed and sniffled. "I'm sorry Miles' been shitty to you. You deserve a lot more."

I gave him a small smile. "Maybe that's just what I'm destined to have, you know? Nothing concrete."

He shook his head, "no, I don't think so."

My gaze landed at the steering wheel but I could feel his eyes burning in to me. After a long pause, he spoke. "I guess I've bored you enough. I'll get out o' your 'air. Thank you."

"It's no biggie, Alex." 

He reached over and squeezed my hand with a smile before exiting my car. 

Now there was only one broken person. 

\--

"No, no. I don't think I'll be able to make that one. I've got something going on and I'm not sure if I- okay, then maybe after? No, okay. Alright. I will." Was all I had heard from Miles for the past two hours of him canceling appearances and studio time to be with me. I didn't condone this, but if I refused, he'd get offended over it so I may as well just deal with it. 

He'd been staying with me since he'd gotten back and he made sure to keep me busy with just about anything he could think of. To keep me from wanting to off myself, or to keep me away from Alex. I wasn't sure. But he was suffocating me. I needed some time to myself but he was hellbent on constantly being with me. I wished he would give me five minutes to myself. 

And since he was on the phone, I took the opportunity to get up from the couch, tired of watching pointless TV and headed in to my bedroom. I quietly closed the door before throwing myself on the bed face first, hoping I'd be suffocated by the comforter at some point but that wasn't very realistic so I got comfortable. 

I lay on my side, with my phone in hand, scrolling away on social media when I got a text from Alex. 

I miss you. 

My heart raced at the message and before I got a chance to reply, another came in. 

I've been having a hard time sleeping and I realized how much I relied on your breathing against my skin... your scent to lull me to sleep. 

My heart sank knowing I couldn't just go to him because Miles would have a fit. And I couldn't go to him because it was wrong. Everything we had done was wrong and we both knew it, yet we still clung to some bit of hope that maybe we hadn't fucked up. 

But I knew we had. 

I turned my phone over and tried to ignore the loaded messages when Miles walked in to the room, quietly coming to me. 

"Hey, feeling alright?" He asked, sitting next to me on the bed as I nodded. 

"Just tired."

He didn't buy it. I could tell. "Sure? You've been awful quiet."

I shook my head, "I don't feel well." It wasn't a lie. I hadn't been feeling well or a few days now and I didn't know if it was just the events that had taken their toll on me, or if it was because Alex want here keeping a smile on my face. I had gotten used to him being around a lot more than I'd thought.

I turned away from him but I could feel him lay next to me, his arm around me, gently caress my hip bone. 

"e's not right for you, you know." He quietly said. 

"What?"

"Alex, e's not right for you."

"I don't know why you'd say that." But my heart was about to jump out of my chest.

"Cause I love you and you've been spending an awful lot of time with 'im." He quietly said pressing his warm lips to the back of my neck. "And when people do that, they tend to develop false temporary feelings." 

"It's not like that." I didn't even believe the words coming out of my mouth, though I sounded convincing. I missed him like hell, but Miles couldn't know that. I'd already fucked him over enough.

He inched closer to me, his chest pressed against my back, as his thin fingers began to caress at the spot on my wrist where a scab had started to form. 

"Just know 'e's not it, yeah?" 

I just nodded and closed my eyes and knowing he was right. I'd gotten way more attached to Alex than I'd ever wanted. He was supposed to be a good fuck, not someone I actually developed feelings for. 

I waited until Miles fell asleep before I grabbed my phone off the nightstand and sent Alex a message. 

I don't want to see you anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Tumblr](b-b-bang-g0.tumblr.com)


	16. We Really Ought To Think It Through

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit happens. Many typos. This story is back only cause I want to finish the fuck out of it. Sorry it sucks.

Miles had convinced me to come to this club appearance but I was really not up for it. He guilted me in to going because he not so subtly mentioned that he had dropped all his plans to be with me and take care of me when I wouldn't take care of myself. I bit my tongue and decided not to yell at him and tell him everything I had repressed over the last few weeks. I didn't tell him how I actually wanted him to fuck off so I could hear myself think, so I could go back to some sort of normalcy. But I didn't for the sake of not causing an issue out of it. And after everything, here I was, sitting on this couch, sipping on vodka soda. If I intoxicated myself, I wouldn't feel so miserable. 

Miles leaned in to give me a kiss and I immediately turned away, without giving it much thought. But it had stung him as much as it would've if I did it on purpose. 

He stared at me and cocked his head to the side. "What is going on with you?"

I shook my head. "Nothing, sorry. I just flinched." 

He wasn't convinced. Not one bit. 

"You've been so distant. Every time I kiss you, it's like you're not there. I touch you and you pull away, I try to get anywhere near you and you act like I'm the fucking plague."

My eyes were glued to the people on the dance floor, anywhere but him. "Harlee, don't ignore me!" He yelled, and for a moment I worried someone would hear but, the music was so loud I doubted they'd hear a thing. 

My eyes snapped towards him, "What, Miles?!" I shouted, standing up, ready to argue if it was needed.

He cupped my face in his hands, and studied me. "What changed? You don't love me anymore?"

That hit me hard, and my eyes began to water. "I-"

His gentle hands began to shake and he finally let go of me, an angered look in his eyes. "I know that look. I know that all too well." 

He paced back and forth in our area and shook his head. "You fuckin fell for 'im, didn't you? You fell for me fuckin' best friend!" He yelled, the anger clear in his eyes, his expression, his movements. 

He walked over to me again and roughly grabbed my face. "Was 'e fucking you while I was gone?"

As a few tears slipped down my cheeks, i said, "You broke us. I loved you, Miles. I loved you with everything in my heart and you stepped all over it. You lost your right to tell me anything a long time ago." 

He clenched his jaw and let go of my face as he stepped back, his eyes saddened. "You promised me forever."

"You can't do this to me." I sobbed as he shook his head. "You can't leave me and expect me to always be yours." 

His gaze was sad but above all, he felt betrayed. I knew it. "Let's see 'ow long till 'e gets bored of you and I promise you 'e will."

The venom he spat my way made me want to crawl in to a hole and die. He walked off and left me standing there by myself, a drunk, confused mess.

After a few minutes, I gathered myself and went outside, waiting for a cab. I stood along the brick wall behind me, sniffling like crazy at the fucking cold air biting at my nose, and the tears I'd just been crying. I couldn't believe any of this had happened and Miles had left me here, with nowhere to go. I crossed my arms and hugged myself tighter to keep warm, hoping a car would go off the road and run me over. 

"Harlyn?" I heard, and immediately turned away, allowing my hair to fall over my face so I could discretely try to wipe away any remaining tears on my face. 

"Alright?" Alex asked, concerned and standing in front of me as my teeth shattered and I smiled at him. 

"Fine."

He cocked his head to the side, unconvinced. "Did you argue with Miles?"

I turned away and suddenly the light post became extremely intriguing. I wasn't sure what to say, I wasn't sure what to even think, but one thing was for sure, I hadn't seen Miles that upset in a really long time and it was over the man before me. 

His cold hands cupped my face, making me face him and the look in his eyes spread a warmness through me. 

"It'll be fine, whatever it is." He reassured me. 

I wanted so badly to turn away form him and pretend I never met him. I wanted to make sure I wouldn't make a mistake again and betray Miles in any other way.

I could feel my eyes betray me and a tear slipped out right on to where his thumb was placed. Immediately, I tried to pull away but he didn't let go. 

"No, look at me." He whispered, rubbing his thumbs over my cheeks, as I bit my lip to stop it from quivering. "You're precious."

Through glassy eyes, I looked in to his brown ones and realized I wanted nothing more than to be in a different situation. One where I never dated Miles, Alex didn't have a long term girlfriend and I was free to date him. Any reality was better than this one. 

With that warm look in his eyes he pulled me in to him and just held me. He didn't say a word and he really didn't need to. The gesture said it all. 

"Let's get you 'ome." He said and in no time we were warm in a cab heading towards my place. 

I had my head against his shoulder, but I couldn't help but look up at him, trying to take in his features as much as I could. I didn't want to ever forget what he looked like. 

He must've felt my gaze because he looked down at me and kissed me. Slow, torturous. Amazing. He pulled back, "Let's go away, you and I."

"Where?"

"Anywhere you want."


	17. Yours Is The Only Ocean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying so hard to come to a stopping point in this story but that's not working out for me lol. Anyway, here's this.

We were on a sex crazed, alcohol induced escapade. Alex had rented a car and we drove from small town to small town, taking in the sights, living in the moment and fucking everywhere we could. Bathrooms, dressing rooms, the back seat of his car, anywhere and everywhere. 

And tonight we were shitfaced, in a town I didn't exactly know the name of but we had drank so much that we were dancing to awful dubstep music and trying to keep up with the tempo changes. Sweet kisses, hopeful eyes, and sweaty skin were the theme of the night. For the first time in months, i felt carefree. 

We were all over each other, and any outsider would say we were a couple of teenagers in love with nothing to lose. But we did, and I was trying so hard to not think of that. His kisses and touch made it easier for me to forget and to pretend to be in my own little world. 

My foot decided not to cooperate with the other and landed right on top of Alex's foot, as his hand reached out for my shoulder steadying me and pulling me close so he could speak to me over the loud music. 

"Alright, there?"

I laughed and nodded, my hands tangling in to his hair, pulling his face down and smothering his cheap vodka stained lips with my own.

The world kept spinning but it was me and him. Just us. 

He reached for my hand and pulled me away from the dance floor and to the bar where he downed half a beer before turning to me and kissing my cheek. He looked absolutely and genuinely happy when he turned to me and licked his lips. He had the most gorgeous look in his eyes and I couldn't help but smile and feel like I was incredibly lucky. 

"What's after this?" I asked, leaning in to him so he could hear me. 

"Anything, absolutely anything you want." He said with such a dreamy tone, I could've melted in to him at that moment. 

"I'm gonna hit the little girls room and we'll get going?" I asked as he nodded and i turned away, about to walk off when his arms wrapped around my waist and he pulled me in to his, his lips colliding with my own for the millionth time that night, and he felt incredible. 

"Don't be too long, right? I'll miss you."

I laughed and walked off and ended up in a line of at least ten people. Ten people tapping their feet, doing the dance and trying not to piss their pants. I wasn't that far along but I still had to go. Once inside the very dimly lit bathroom I did my business and headed towards the sinks to wash my hands. The counter was littered with all sorts of important things girls might need, like perfume, hairspray, breath mints, glitter. It didn't take long for me to dip my finger in to the small tub of glitter and dab some on my eyelids, making my eyes pop. 

I finally headed back out to the bar area to find Alex fist fighting a random guy. My stomach dropped to the floor and I fucking ran to him, my boots louder than they had been all night, my heart pounding in my ears as I grabbed on to his shirt and pulled him back while the other males' friends did the same. 

The other guy was breathing heavily, blood all down his chin and neck and looked up at Alex, rage in his eyes for a moment, then confusion. "Wait, aren't you from the Arctic Monkeys?"

Alex rubbed his jaw and nodded, "yeh."

Alex held on to my hand, squeezing the circulation out of it but I didn't dare say a word. I looked up at him, concern adorning my face when I saw the blood coming out of his nose, and how irritated his cheekbone was. But for someone that had just gotten in a fight, he seemed very calm. 

"Shit, I'm so fucking sorry. Wow! This is... Insane. Holy fuck! Can I get a photo with you?"

Alex laughed and turned to me with a small smile, reassuring me everything was okay and finally letting go of my hand, just in time before it started feeling numb. He turned to his newly found fan and went to him to take probably what was one of the silliest photos. Both of them covered in blood but with grins on their faces. After they'd taken their photos, Alex came to me and dragged me outside.

My heart was still pounding from the scare I just had and he was out of breath from laughing about what had just happened, but that didn't stop him from slamming me in to the wall and kissing me hard when he got me outside. His mouth working perfectly against mine, his tongue exploring my mouth as I held his face in place, my fingertips grazing the stubble on his jaw. I could taste the beer he last drank and the blood from his nose but I didn't care, god I didn't care. 

He pulled out of the kiss, his drunken eyes scanning my face. He let out a chuckle and brushed his thumb over my lips, and cheek to wipe the blood he'd smeared on my skin during our kiss but I just grabbed his face and collided mouths with him again, a grin plastered on to his lips. 

"Say it." He demanded, in a very low hoarse whisper. 

I chastely kissed him and furrowed my brows. 

"Say you're mine."

My thumbs wiped at the blood on his lips and then kissed him again. "I'm yours."

"All mine?" 

I nodded. His hands gripped my hips, pulling me in to him and causing a moan to escape my lips. That only made his fingertips dig deeper in to the denim of my jeans and deepening the kiss. I couldn't help but bite down on his lower lip, and gently suck on it, getting a groan out of him. 

He pulled back and pressed his forehead to mine, bloodshot, and dreamy eyes looking back at me. "Are you happy?"

My eyes scanned his bloody, bruising face and even under all of that, he was still amazing. His breathing was ragged against my lips, his thumbs rubbing at the skin under my shirt.

I nodded and chastely kissed his pouty, flushed lips. "Yes. 

"Promise?" His blissed out eyes examining me. 

"I promise."

"So what you said.. when you messaged me-"

I grabbed a hold of his face and shook my head, "I do want you."

We were in deep. 

We headed back to the car and began our drive to the next place we'd be hitting up but after the alcohol had ran its course in my system, I was starting to doubt everything. I kept quiet for the entire ride and that made its way in to the hotel room.

"You're awfully quiet." Alex said, breaking the silence and startling me out of my thoughts as I kicked off my shoes and sat on the edge of the bed. 

"Are you having second thoughts?" 

I began to shake my head but stopped when I noticed his frown. "I- you still have a girlfriend."

He sighed, "I'm leaving her."

I could feel myself on the brink of tears. "We're not meant to be."

I couldn't look at him. I couldn't turn my focus anywhere near him because I knew if I saw his expression I would break down. 

"I know, but I still want to try. You make me feel the way I did years ago. You brought me back to life in a way and I'm too selfish to give that up." 

He got down in front of me and kissed my cheek, "I want so badly to be yours but I know you're weary and I know that I can't change the situation we're in but what if we are meant to be and we don't try?"

"And what if we're not?" 

"If it doesn't work, then it doesn't work. But I don't want to not try." He quietly said, holding my face in his hands. 

A few tears slipped out of my eyes, "I'm scared."

"So am I, but I promise it will be fine."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Tumblr](b-b-bang-g0.tumblr.com)


	18. You've Had To Greet Me With Goodbye

I watched the cars drive by, and kept my eyes glued to the pavement below as I leaned against the railing of the balcony I was standing on. I put my cigarette to my lips and inhaled, my brain already buzzing with the alcohol I had been drinking for the past three hours. 

The light breeze was biting at my bare legs but I wasn't bothered to go back inside. I felt somewhat at peace for just a moment. But that didn't last long, when I heard Alex on the phone inside. He was talking to Arielle and explaining to her why he couldn't be with her. He pulled the "you cheated on me" card probably to make himself feel better about it. He pulled all the tricks he had and by the way he sounded, she wasn't completely understanding. 

I closed my eyes and grabbed the bottle of tequila that I lazily had placed on the ground next to my feed and took the biggest gulp I could handle. 

"No, this is what needs to happen. We haven't been happy in years, Arielle. We can pretend all we want but- I already explained this to you-" he was cut off again by her voice. I couldn't make out what she was saying but she was speaking quickly and loudly. 

My heart shattered for her because I was the reason this was happening. But my heart ached because somewhere Miles was going though something similar, only I didn't have the guts to talk to him about since the night he left me at the club appearance. I figured it was for the best, but I still wished all of this hasn't gone down like it had. 

I took another swig of alcohol and cringed at the flavor, quickly chasing it with my almost finished cigarette. There was a sudden change in temperature as I felt a warmth press slowly against my back, and a kiss to my neck. 

I closed my eyes at his touch and let him press gentle kisses to my cheek. "That's enough drinking for today, love." He said as he grabbed the bottle from my hands and took it inside, quickly coming back and turning me to look at him. 

"Now, what's that frown for?" He asked, cupping my face in his hands. 

I shook my head, "nothing. I just have a headache."

"you've been drinking a lot." he quietly said, his voice remaining above a whisper. 

i nodded, pulling away from him and heading inside. i was starting to feel like we had nothing other than the physical attraction, though i knew that wasn't the case. i was just in my rut and i didn't know what to do. 

He followed me inside and shut the balcony door, leaning against it as he watched me sit on the edge of the bed, and bury my face in my hands. 

"did i do something?" he cautiously asked. 

I began to shake my head when I remembered something i wanted to know for the longest time.

"why did you come that night?" 

I shifted my gaze to him and waited. He looked nervous, more nervous than i'd ever seen him. 

"That's not important now."

"but i want to know." i insisted. 

He leaned his head against the door and closed his eyes for a moment, gathering his thoughts. 

"I had gone over to tell you that..." he stopped, opening his eyes and looking at me with guilt in his eyes. "Are you sure?"

I nodded. I needed to know, no matter how crappy the answer might be. 

"I were going to tell you that I- fuck- that I couldn't do... this anymore." He struggled to get it out and I could tell he immediately regretted it. 

But of course this just overloaded my mind with questions. "Then why am I here? Am I a fucking charity case to you?"

He quickly shook his head and came over to me, kneeling down in front of me and taking a hold of my hands. "No, no, of course not."

I pulled my hands back as if his touch had burned me. "Then?"

"The reason I came over than night was to tell you that I couldn't keep this up because I was starting to fall for you and I was scared out of my fucking mind."

"Why?"

"Because I had a girlfriend who'd never sparked that kind of emotion from me in the entire course of our relationship. But you had and that frightened me."

His eyes were misty and I almost felt bad for asking him all of this. "So then why did you stay?"

He stood and began to pace around the room. "Because after everything Miles put you through i wanted to be that breath of fresh air for you. I wanted to be what he wasn't."

"You don't have to stay with me, Alex. You don't have to fix me. You can go."

He stopped and stared at me, "what does that mean?"

I sniffled, pushing the tears back. "I don't want you to become miserable like me. This is your out."

"Don't do this-"

I could tell I was holding him back from everything. He was stuck in a room with a suicidal girl that had nothing to live for, while he had everything going for him. I wouldn't do this to him. I wouldn't stump him. 

"I'm done." I said, trying to keep my voice as calm as I could. 

He shook his head, "Don't."

I could see it in his eyes, I was breaking his heart but that what was needed for him to hate me and not want anything to do with me. I needed him to hate me so he could move on. 

"It's over, Alex. This fairytale is over."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm baaaaaaack


	19. I'm Not Entirely Sure

Everything was packed up except for my bed, which would be dismantled the following morning and shipped back to the US while I flew over there that afternoon. Everything was in order and I was ready to take off my makeup and head to bed.

i sat down on the edge of the bed and rubbed my eyes. I hadn't had much time to think about anything other than getting my shit out of here as soon as possible. I hadn't thought of Miles or Alex, about how much I had probably fucked up their lives. 

Miles had avoided me like the plague since the fiasco at the club and it hurt me a bit to have gone from boyfriend and girlfriend, to best friends, to nothing. After all we were strangers again but in all honestly, that's how life seemed to work and I just wasn't made for it, so I would go ahead and live my life on my own before ruining anyone else's. 

There was a knock at the door and I didn't think twice before getting up to answer it. I opened the door and there he was, in a black hoodie and black jeans, his hair looked the same as before, it was actually him. 

"Hi" he said and awkwardly leaned in to hug me, but once he wrapped his arms around me, I melted into him. His scent, his touch, everything just brought me back. he pulled back and held my face in his hands, studying me. 

I could see it in his eyes, hurt. He abruptly pulled his hands away and stepped back, "Can i come in?"

I couldn't help but feel a little rejected, but what did I expect? i moved back and let him, closing the door behind us as he stood by the empty kitchen, awkwardly fidgeting with his hoodies zipper and having a look around at the empty apartment. A look of confusion seemed to come over him as he turned to me. 

"You're moving?" 

i nodded, "Yeah, tomorrow."

He was mid-nod when he asked, "Why?"

"i don't know, I feel like it's my time to leave. I've done enough." 

"So when things get a little rough, you run away?" 

I shook my head, "That's not fair"

He slowly walked up to me, "You know what's not fair? The fact that I were willing to do anything for you, and you still felt the need to fuck off out of me life."

"I didn't do it just for kicks, Alex. I did it for you."

"For me? 'ow the 'ell is breaking my 'eart for me?" he argued. 

"I don't want to be a burden to you. I don't want you to hate yourself for choosing to stick with me. I don't want to ruin your life!" i yelled, wanting him to understand why it was better if I left. 

"If i wanted to fuck up my life with you, which wouldn't be the case, it would be my choice, not yours, don't you think? Give ME the fuckin' option to choose who I spend my fucking time with." 

He wasn't understanding what I was trying to tell him and I couldn't think of another way to show him. I couldn't even look at him at this point. 

"What exactly are you afraid of?"

i snapped my head up and furrowed my brows, "Nothing-"

"Bullshit. there's a reason you don't want to be with me. So go on, what is it? Miles? Just you?" 

"Stop, Alex."

"Tell me so I can understand what goes on in that pretty little 'ead of yours. Why are you running away?" He asked and I could tell he was getting frustrated as I was. 

"I'm not running away, I want to start over. I want everything to be okay-" 

"Then start over with me! Where you go, I'll follow. No fucking questions asked!" He yelled, immediately covering his face in his hands and taking a deep breath and attempting to regain his composure. 

I leaned up against the wall and fought back the tears. I didn't want to cry anymore. This whole situation had drained me. 

I felt him inching closer to me, and he finally tilted my chin up for me to look at him, "Let me be with you."

"I can't" I whispered, "I need to fix myself, Alex. I've been an absolute mess and I'm not going to bring you down with me." 

He pulled back and turned away from me, clearly frustrated. "For fucks sake. Please, Harlee." 

I swallowed the knot in my throat and felt his hands gently pull me in to him. "I know you feel the same way as I do. You can fucking feel it and the fact that you're completely ignoring it breaks my 'eart." 

"I'm sorry" I whispered. 

He pulled back and sighed, "Can I... at least stay with you? Just for tonight?" 

I nodded, and we headed to bed. He took off his hoodie and his shoes and crawled in to bed with me where he held me in his arms just as he always did. We didn't speak much but just having him there made me feel like things would be okay. I would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so so sorry this is all fucking gross looking with no capitalizations and probably awful grammar but i did this one on my phone and was to lazy to go back and fix it. anyway, hope you guys enjoyed this one.


	20. Perhaps Fuck Off Might Be Too Kind

My brain was overloaded with everything I was leaving behind. My apartment, my life as I'd known it for the last couple of years, Alex... who lay next to me sleeping. I watched him sleep, the way his chest gently rose and fell and how his hair was covering half of his face. No matter how much my mind told me I needed to leave all of this behind, my heart wanted nothing more than to be in his caring arms for the rest of my days but I knew better. 

I gently reached up and pushed his hair back and off his face, careful not to disturb his sleep. This was so much easier when we were just fucking each other. Never did I intend to catch feelings and I definitely don't think that was his plan. But here we were, uncertain of everything. At least on my end but again, I knew better. 

I sat up and took a deep breath, looking towards the window when I heard a faint knock. I turned my attention towards my bedroom door and heard the knock again. I slowly got out of bed and opened my bedroom door and headed to the front door of my apartment, looking through the peephole to find Miles. I didn't expect to ever see him again. 

After the shock left me, panic set in. Alex was in my room and I'm sure miles wouldn't take too kindly to that. I hurried back to my bedroom where Alex sat at the foot of the bed, looking very much asleep as he ran his fingers through his hair.

"Someone's 'ere?" he asked, his voice laced with sleep. 

"It's Miles" I said in an urgent tone. 

He looked up at me, sort of like he expected me to tell him to leave but if Miles caught sight of him it might make things worse. "Stay here, okay?"

"'arlee-"

"Alex, please" i begged. 

"No, no. What's 'e 'ere for?"

"He probably just wants to talk."

Alex shook his head, "What 'e wants is to take you away from me, that's what 'e fucking wants."

I looked at him and shook my head, "Please, Al" 

I didn't know if it was the way I said his name but he sighed and nodded. "Okay"

I stepped out of my room and closed the door behind me, turning on the lights, and going to open the front door. 

Miles looked disheveled and he reeked of alcohol. "Can we talk?"

"Why now?" I asked, not letting him in. 

"I want to understand what it is that you're doing. I don't get it, love. I'll tell you that much." He shook his head. "Are you going to let me in?"

I sighed and stepped aside as he did the exact same thing Alex did when he walked in. 

"Going somewhere?"

I nodded, "yeah"

"Where?"

"It doesn't matter."

"So you're leaving the love of your life behind? Seems irresponsible." He said as he turned to me. 

"Miles, why are you here?"

He scratched his jaw, "I'm pissed and I want answers. Why'd you have to fall in love with my best friend? I weren't enough for you?" 

"Who said I'm in love?" I asked. 

He laughed. A laugh laced with venom. "I see it in your eyes, love. The way you looked at me is the way you see him now. I'm not stupid. He must've fucked you proper good that first time that you kept him around"

Before I knew what I was doing I had slapped him across the face so hard he lost his balance. The sound of my hand made echoed throughout my empty apartment. 

"I can't believe you're doing this right now. You of all people who left me on our wedding day, who used me as a fuck buddy for years. I waited for you to want me back like a complete idiot and you have the audacity to act like I'm in the wrong?"

"Are you not? You fucked my best friend not once, but multiple times behind my back. And we've gone over that! I didn't leave you out of malice, it just didn't work out. I never used you, you were willing." He counter argued while rubbing his hand over the pink skin of his cheek. 

I squared up to him, right in his face, "i was willing? The only reason I let you do that for so long was cause I was waiting for you to take me back! I was waiting for you to wake the fuck up and want to be together again."

He stopped for a moment and I saw a flash of sadness in his eyes.

"But you never did and guess what Miles, not everyone is going to wait around like a total dumbass forever. I can't wait anymore, I am done. I should've been done the moment you called off our wedding-"

"Why? Cause you fell in love with Alex? Who by the way, very much has a girlfriend and I doubt he'd leave her for you. No matter how stupid he is." 

I couldn't take it. No matter got drunk he was, I couldn't handle the words coming out of his mouth. He made me seem like nothing, like our time together meant nothing. 

A tear slipped down my cheek, "I would never ask him to, Miles. Because he's nothing to me. You're nothing to me." 

"I'm nothing?" He stepped closer and pressed his lips to mine harder than I expected, and I pushed him back. "Oh come on, you don't remember what a great time we had?"

"Fuck off, leave" I yelled. 

"Love, don't do this- you and I are meant to be."

I rubbed my hands over my face in frustration. "If you want to talk, Miles, fine. But not now. Go home, sober up and then talk to me."

"Just now that I will kill anyone before I let them be with you. Even him." He said as he left my apartment and I immediately locked the door. I wiped my face and headed back to my room where I clearly forgot Alex was. He still sat on the foot of my bed looking right at me. 

"I'm nowt to you?" 

I shook my head, "that's not what I meant- he was drunk."

"So might as well lie to 'im right?" He stood and came to me, his eyes were darker than usual. "Tell me the truth Harlee cause I'm not fucking blind. I feel this between us and you act like it's not there"

"Alex-"

"Look me in the eyes and tell me the truth."

What was I so scared of? I wasn't going to die if I told him the truth. The only catch was that I wouldn't die but I also couldn't live with the fact that I couldn't be with him. 

He held my face in his hands, his fingers gently caressing what they could, "please."

I placed my hands over his and took a deep breath, "I love you" I whispered so quietly that I felt he didn't hear me, and I wouldn't have minded if he didn't. I couldn't even look at him. I stared at the collar of his shirt and immediately regretted saying anything. I dropped my hands from his and began to pull away but he held me sternly. 

"Look at me" he quietly said, with the most gentleness in his voice. I slowly looked up at him, unsure of what was going to happen next. "I love you too."

I could feel the tears burning my eyes, "but Alex, I can't-"

He leaned in and kissed me, slowly. He rested his forehead on mine and shook his head, "Not today, love."

There was a pop in the room. A pop you would hear during a firework show on fourth of July back in the states. Only it wasn't fourth of July, we weren't in the states and I couldn't figure out where the jarring noise came from. Alex lost his footing for a second and almost slammed in to me as he dropped his hands from my face, holding on to my arms. Confused, I looked up at Alex but the look on his face told me something was very wrong.

"Alex?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all i don't even know if anyone is still reading this but i've been re-reading some old fav fics of mine and boy am i inspired. If y'all are still down with this, a little comment and a hell yeah will definitely let me know y'all care lol. anyway, hope this wasn't too bad. if y'all wanna give me a follow and chat, that'd be cool [Tumblr](http://www.b-b-bang-g0.tumblr.com) <3


	21. Cover Your Eyes

The bang in the room was the loudest noise I'd ever heard but the silence that came after was deafening. It was almost like a ring in your ear that wouldn't go away. I stared at Alex, my brain frantically trying to figure out what had happened as he collapsed in to me dropping both of us to the ground. I instinctively cradled him in to my arms. I couldn't figure out what was going on until I looked up and saw Miles standing at the doorway with a gun in his hand aimed in our direction. My heart was beating erratically as if it were going to pound its way out of my chest. 

My eyes glanced down at Alex where my hand had fallen on his back. Blood stained my skin and ran down my wrist, as I held it up to my face, not believing this was happening. The feeling in my gut was overwhelming. I felt lightheaded, sick. I felt as if I were in a dream. No, a nightmare. It took a few seconds but it finally clicked and I shouted at Miles something I don't remember.

For a moment I saw the rage in his eyes, and i didn't recognize him. He had somewhat of a smirk on his face, but it quickly dissolved in to fear. He appeared scared, terrified as he stared at us. His mouth hung open as he realized what he had done. The gun in his hand started shaking and he dropped it to the ground as I flinched, afraid it would shoot out again. "Oh my god, I-I"

"What did you do?!" I yelled, holding Alex close to me as he gasped for air. Miles last comment before he left my apartment never registered to me as anything to worry about. He wouldn't ever try to hurt his best friend. Wrong. He would, he had. He had deliberately tried to almost kill his best friend. He might have been trying to get me. 

"I didn't mean to- fuck!" he yelled, as he paced around the room in a panic, breathing heavily and raggedly. "Harlee, I didn't fucking mean to. I came to scare him off but I- I didn't think I would do it-"

"Call a fucking ambulance, Miles!" I cried as he came to me and grabbed my hand, placing it firmly on Alex's back as Alex let out a pained groan. 

"Put pressure, alright. As hard as you can." he instructed as he pulled his phone out an began to dial the paramedics, while frantically screaming for help. That his friend had been shot, that he had shot his best friend as he sobbed uncontrollably. 

With my free hand I reached up and moved the hair from his face much like i had earlier that night but this time he was pale. He was sweating, the color was draining from his face and his eyes were starting to close, his breathing, labored. My heart dropped as I tried to hold it together and not show any fear for his sake but I was scared out of my mind. 

"I can’t die now" he weakly joked. 

I shook my head, "We have things to do"

He smiled, "Cause you love me?" 

I quickly nodded, "I do"

"Promise?"

I took a deep breath to keep myself from crying uncontrollably, "I promise, Alex. I fucking promise. But don't leave me."

"I don't want to leave you, baby." He coughed causing him to cry out in pain. 

"Please, just fucking hurry!" I heard Miles shout at his phone as he dropped it and dropped to his knees in front of us, tears in his eyes. 

"Al, mate, I'm so sorry. I don't know what I were thinking-I- fuck. Harlee, I’m sorry" he sobbed, as he reached for Alex's hand, holding it tightly. 

"Its alright, Miles" Alex managed to say as Miles looked at him with so much regret in his eyes. 

But as quick as he fell to his knees to apologize, Miles stood to his feet and started to walk out of the room as I began to panic. "Miles, where are you going?"

"I can't be here. I can't." he apologized, "Im so sorry" he said as he left. 

"Miles!" I shouted as I stared losing hope. "Don’t leave" I cried. Miles had gone, Alex was more dead than alive and the paramedics still hadn't arrived. I hoped to god this wasn't how it was going to end. The front door closed and I was alone with Alex who was bleeding out. 

I could see him starting to go in and out of consciousness and I began trying to think of things that would keep him awake. that would keep him from going under. 

"Remember the time I picked you up from the bar? The night?" I asked as he slowly nodded. 

"What did we do?" I asked, trying anything to keep him talking to me. 

He tried to laugh, "We shagged.. god.. good night"

"Did you think we'd be here?" I asked with with a sniffle. 

He slowly reached up and wiped a tear from my face with his thumb, "In love?"

I nodded, "In love."

"Yeah" he smiled. 

The paramedics burst in to them room and ripped him from my arms as he clearly started slipping away and I couldn't handle the pain in my heart as they hooked him up to machines and put him on a stretcher, taking him away to the hospital. While i was left a complete mess and drove to the hospital myself.

I wasn't ready to lose him. I couldn't lose him.


	22. The Eyes Were All Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i

I sat in the hospital waiting room, sniffling like crazy from all the crying i had done on the way here. I felt like I was going to pass out, I felt so weak but I knew I couldn’t. I had to wait to find out if Alex was going to be okay. 

I took a deep breath and leaned back against the wall in my chair and closed my eyes for a second. I opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling regretting every single choice I had made since I moved here. I should’ve never gotten involved with Alex, then maybe we wouldn’t be here. I should’ve never gotten with Miles without knowing the kind of person he was. But then again, you don’t ever see true colors until the negatives happen. 

The entrance door opened and my heart began pounding out of my chest. Actually, it did that every time it opened because I felt Miles was coming for me. Who knows if he actually meant to his Alex. For all we know, he was trying to get me. 

I wish he would’ve. 

I felt my phone vibrate in my lap and i glanced down to see a message from Miles. 

My heart dropped. 

“I’m turning myself in. Tell Alex I’m sorry”

A wave of relief washed over me for just a second before I realized that he was possibly going to ruin his life this way. It would get out and his career would be over. 

I couldn’t stand the trembling of my body so I stood and walked outside to smoke a cigarette. 

I put a cigarette to my lips and tried to light it but my hands were shaking so much I couldn’t keep the fire up for too long. After struggling a bit I finally got it to light but I began to cry again in frustration of not knowing what the fuck was happening. 

I exhaled the smoke and wiped at my face as I caught someone’s eye in the distance. 

No, no no no. This was not happening. 

I could see Arielle coming my way and looking very concerned. I pulled myself together as best I could as she wakes up to me. 

“Hey, you okay? Whats going on? I got a call saying Alex was here-“ her voice trailed off as I noticed she was starting at my hands. 

I followed her gaze and saw the dried blood all over my hands and arms. God, it looked like it has been in a horror movie. 

“Is he okay?”

I shrugged, “I don’t know.”

“Harley, what the fuck happened?” she asked, this time her voice seemed more panicked. 

I took a drag of my cigarette and shook my head, sniffling and pushing back the tears. 

“Come on, lets go find out what’s going on” she said as I finished my cigarette and followed her inside. I sat back down and watcher her talk to the receptionist as I tried to think of what to say to her if she asked what happened again. But my brain just couldn’t function and a thought put together. All I could think of was the blood on my hands and how it had splattered on to my arms. I rubbed at my knuckles but the blood wouldn’t come off. 

“I guess he’s still in surgery” she said, sitting next to me. 

“Oh,” was all I managed to say before I just buried my face in my hands. 

“Can you please tell me what happened?” 

I shook my head, “I can’t”

She sighed and leaned back against her chair as I quietly cried in to my hands. All I wanted to do was hold his hand  
and feel his warm embrace around me. I wanted to kill Miles for doing this. 

It felt like hours before the doctor finally came out to tell us he was in critical condition, an induced coma of sorts. He had lost a lot of blood and they were trying their best to keep him from slipping. 

My heart felt like it was shattering and the moment the doctor walked away, i felt myself almost collapse. She grabbed me before I fully fell and pulled me in to the bathroom. 

“It’s gonna be okay, you know”

I wish she would just leave me alone and I didn't have to pretend that I was the person he left her for. I didn’t have the strength to deal with any of this. 

I leaned against the wall and looked at her as she watched me. She had a look in her eyes like she was aware something was off. I knew she had to know something. 

“You can go home, Harley”

I shook my head. 

“You look tired- you probably need sleep.” she said, pulling out all the stops to get me to leave.

“I’m okay” i answered wiping at my face again and this time looking a lot more convincing. 

“Can we see him?” I asked, as she nodded. 

“One at a time”

And she would probably get to see him first considering she still loved him and she wanted them to be a thing again. My heart sank even more than it had before but I nodded, determined to play this off. 

“Well, go see him”

It looked as if my comment had caught her off guard but she nodded and walked out of the bathroom as I slid down against the wall and truly unleashed every single emotion in me. It felt as if the entire world was caving in and I couldn’t make my way out. I wanted to see him so badly and make sure he was alive but I couldn’t. It wasn’t my right. As far as anyone was concerned, he was nothing to me and I wasn’t shit to him. 

Suddenly the door opened and a nurse walked in, stopping in her tracks as i looked up at her, barely able to make her out through glassy eyes. 

“Are you alright, love?” she asked as I immediately stood to my feet apologizing. “Are you waiting for someone?”

I nodded but then shook my head. “Not really” 

“Who are you waiting for?” she asked, but the tone in her voice was so sweet. 

“I-his ex is in there and I- she doesn’t know-“ Why was i spilling all of this out to a nurse?

She came to me and grabbed my hand reassuringly. “Come on, then”

She asked me a few questions and calmly took me down the hallway and asked me to wait just around the corner while she went in to the room. A few moments later she came out with Arielle and escorted her back to waiting room. 

She came back to me and smiled, "go get him, right?"

"Thank you so much" i cried as i gave her a tight hug. i had never been so thankful of a stranger. 

"go on, love. you've got a few minutes" 

i nodded and walked in to the dimly lit room. Alex was hooked up to multiple machines and he was so pale, and ghostly. 

I slowly walked up to him and placed my hand over his. He was a bit warm, he was alive. I touched his face, caressing his cheek. "I’m so sorry, Alex. This is my fault. I should've let you go. I should've known better."

I kissed the top of his hand and held it to my face, crying in to it because i just couldn't do anything to make this right. I couldn't fix him. 

"Come on sweetheart, the doctor will be along soon." The nurse that had brought me in said. 

I nodded and kissed his hand again before gently setting it down and walking out of the room and following her back to the waiting area. 

"Don’t you worry, love. I’ll call you back as soon as he's cleared, alright?" She quietly said as I turned to her and thanked her again before going back to the waiting area where I would sit with Arielle for the next 10 hours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> m baaaaaaackkk pt 2


End file.
